Funny Football Quotes

[RedForceRising]

Footballers should give more interviews, because they say some of the more profound things you will ever hear or read. Enjoy my brothers and sisters!


'The groin's been a little sore but after the semi-final I put it to the back of my head.' - MICHAEL HUGHES

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable' - PAUL GASCOIGNE

'If Gabriel Amato's shot had gone in, the result could have been different' - GIOVANNI VAN BRONCKHORST

'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.' - VINNY JONES

'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.' - RONNIE WHELAN

'He'd no alternative but to make a needless tackle.' - PAUL ELLIOTT

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.' - GRAEME LE SAUX

Interviewer : Which is your favourite commentary team,BBC or ITV?
Graeme Le Saux : Sky.

'He (Steve Walsh) is the type of player who will follow you to every end of the box.' - KERRY DIXON

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.' - JOHNNY GILES

'Football's not like an electric light - you can't just flick the button and change from slow to quick.' - JOHN GREIG

'I was disappointed to leave Spurs, but quite pleased that I did.' - STEVE PERRYMAN

'I spent four indifferent years at Goodison, but they were great years.' - MARTIN HODGE

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe that we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.' - PETER SHILTON

'He's one of those managers you'd give your left leg to play for.' - COLIN COOPER

'I'm not convinced that Scotland will play a typically English game.' - GARETH SOUTHGATE

'We didn't think we'd come here tonight and get any sort of result.' - LES SEALEY

'If there wasn't such a thing as football we'd all be frustrated footballers.' - MICK LYONS

'It was a big relief off my shoulder.' - PAUL GASCOIGNE

'Football's not just about scoring goals - it's about winning.' - ALAN SHEARER (over there)

'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up' - IAN WRIGHT on his team mate's admission of alcoholism

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.' - GARY LINEKER

'I never predict anything, and I never will.' - PAUL GASCOIGNE

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.' - IAN RUSH

'My name is usually the one on the end of people's lips.' - IAN WRIGHT

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed' - MITCHELL THOMAS

'All the Leeds team are 100% behind the manager,but I can't speak for the rest of the squad.' - BRIAN GREENHOFF

'My legs sort of disappeared from nowhere.' - CHRIS WADDLE

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.' - STUART PEARCE

'I can't promise anything, but I promise 100%.' - PAUL POWER

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona' - MARK DRAPER

'I may have handed in a transfer request, but there is no way that I want to leave this club.' - DAVID EYRES

'She (Eileen Drewery) gives the players a shoulder to talk to.' - NEIL WEBB

'Our consistency's been all over the place' - ANDY HINCHCLIFFE

'I've lost count of the times I've played in that fixture. Each one was a memorable occasion.' - TREVOR STEVEN

'The boss keeps those things up his sleeve, close to his chest' - CRAIG BURLEY

Rob Shepherd : 'Was there a game last season in which Blackburn's season turned around?'
Kevin Gallagher : 'Yes,when we beat Liverpool 2-0.'
Shepherd : 'And was there something in that game which made you think that the season was about to turn round for you?'
Gallagher : 'Well,we scored three goals.'

'I'm five short [of the Arsenal goalscoring record] - not that I'm counting.' - IAN WRIGHT

'No money in the world can buy a white England shirt.' - ALAN SHEARER

'The manager has given us unbelievable belief.' - PAUL MERSON

'We defended like Trojans.' - MIKE STOWELL

'If you're 0-0 down, there's no-one better to get you back on terms then Ian Wright.' - ROBBIE EARLE

'You don't need balls to play in a cup final.' - STEVE CLARIDGE

'Once you've had a bull terrier, you never want another dog. I've got six bull terriers, a rottweiler and a bulldog.' - JULIAN DICKS

'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.' - BARRY VENISON

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.' - IAN WRIGHT

'If it's not a contract I want then I won't sign it. That's not a threat.' - ROY KEANE

'I can't even remember when the Seventies was.' - ROBBIE KEANE

'If, since the start, I'd played well and put in some good matches it would all have been too simple.' - NICOLAS ANELKA

'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.' - RICHARD RUFUS

'The left foot has helped - it's always been there, but I haven't always had the chance to use it.' - STIG INGE BJORNEBEYE

Credit card application form question : 'What is your position at the company?'
Jason McAteer's (self-confirmed) response : 'Right back.'

'I was born in Newcastle and I've played for Newcastle Schoolboys all my life.' - DENNIS TUEART

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.' - ALAN SHEARER

'I dreamt of playing for a club like Manchester United, and now here I am at Liverpool.' - SANDER WESTERVELD

'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.' - JONATHAN WOODGATE

'My motivation and my back no longer exist.' - MARTIN DAHLIN

Interviewer : 'Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player?'
DAVID BECKHAM : 'Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side.'

'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.' - STEVE LOMAS

'Paul Scholes - the most complete mental player I've ever seen.' - BEN THORNLEY

'Maybe the mistakes have looked worse because they led to goals.' - IAN WALKER

'It will be a difficult couple of days. It's difficult now and it will be difficult tomorrow.' - GARY NEVILLE

'I find the growing intervention by the football authorities in strictly footballing matters a rather worrying trend.' - KENNY CUNNINGHAM

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - MARK VIDUKA

'You can't do better than a goal on your first start.' - BOBBY ZAMORA

'At times they don't like you to kick them and they feel you're not allowed to kick them.' - ALAN SHEARER

'One point from an away game is no longer considered a victory.' - PETTER RUDI

'...the ball went over mine and Colin Calderwood's heads and who should be there at the far post but yours truly - Alan Shearer.' - COLIN HENDRY

'I was alone up front, with Danny Murphy playing between me, myself and the midfield.' - MICHAEL OWEN

'In football, you don’t really know what is going on but we will worry about that when it happens.' - NEIL SULLIVAN

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.' - UGO EHIOGU

'The pace of the game between first team and reserves is like night and day.' - MAURICE MALPAS

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.' - NEVILLE SOUTHALL

'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.' - LEE HENDRIE

'It’s different - it’s not the same' - RYAN GIGGS

'The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians will be more European.' - PHIL NEVILLE

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.' - ALAN SHEARER

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals' - THIERRY HENRY

'We all know that promotion is the carrot at the end of the tunnel' - MARK YARDLEY

'I don't make predictions. I never have done and I never will do.' - IAN WRIGHT

'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7' - DAVID BECKHAM

'If you never concede a goal, you're going to win more games than you lose' - BOBBY MOORE

'Left alone with our own heads on, we can be pretty mental' - TONY ADAMS

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.' - DAVID BECKHAM

'You usually like to play promoted sides around Christmas. They have got two lungs at the moment.' - PAUL MERSON

'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.' - STAN COLLYMORE

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.' - DAVID BECKHAM

'There's no way the future's over for Martin Keown, Tony Adams or David Seaman.' - ALAN SHEARER

'It was like deja vu all over again.' - SHAKA HISLOP

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.' - LES FERDINAND

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing' - ADE AKINBIYI

'Over the years a lot of great players have left United - I'm sure the same will happen to me one day.' - ROY KEANE

'The stars above Italian clubs' badges shows you how many times they have won the Gazetta' - DAVID JAMES

'I thought from start to finish we really started well.' - JOHN HARTSON

'They was given as good as they got' - JOHN TERRY

'There is a smear campaign against me with facts, which are not true' - TONI POLSTER

'Jörg Berger is such a good coach, he had even saved the Titanic' - JAN AAGE FJORTOFT

'Now the world is my lobster' - KEITH O'NEILL

'He's different, like every manager, I suppose' - UGO EHIOGU

[RedForceRising]

'Second best is not good enough really. Although if someone turned around now and said 'you will be promoted, but you will come in second' then I would take it.' - STEVE HOWEY

'He'll be the leader in the tool kit' - ROBBIE EARLE

'I have a good record there. Played one, won one, and hopefully it will be the same after Saturday.' - STEVEN GERRARD

'We have to be careful not to let our game not be the game we know it should be.' - PAUL INCE

'If you make the right decision, it’s normally going to be the correct one.' - DAVE BEASANT

'At least it was a victory and at least we won.' - BOBBY MOORE

'As a striker, you are either in a purple patch or struggling. At the moment, I'm somewhere in between.' - BOB TAYLOR

'We lost because we didn't win.' - RONALDO

'There's a rat in the camp throwing a spanner in the works' - CHRIS CATTLIN

'This is the one-off occasion and you can't get any bigger occasion than that' - BRYAN ROBSON

'Everything in our favour was against us' - DANNY BLANCHFLOWER

'That's a question mark everyone's asking' - BRUCE GROBBELLAR

'You only get one opportunity of an England debut' - ALAN SHEARER

'Both sets of defenders are doing well for Deportivo' - MICK MARTIN

'The championship is the carrot at the end of the championship' - TONY COTTEE

'That was in the past - we’re in the future now' - DAVID BECKHAM

'It was a game of two halves, literally.' - CHRIS POWELL

'It's a no-win game for us. Although I suppose we can win by winning.' - GARY DOHERTY

'I was both surprised and delighted to take the armband for both legs.' - GARY O'NEIL

'I was really surprised when the FA knocked on my doorbell' - MICHAEL OWEN

'What we have to do is put our teeth into the Premiership.' - PETER SCHMEICHEL

'Wayne Rooney can go all the way to the top if he keeps his head firmly on the ground' - DAVID UNSWORTH

'He managed to make a good hash of it in the end' - NIALL QUINN

'The manager could not even talk to us at the interval - he said we were bad.' - JOHN TERRY

'It's great to get the first trophy under the bag' - MICHAEL OWEN

'I thought from start to finish we really started well' - JOHN HARTSON

'We could be putting the hammer in Luton's coffin' - RAY WILKINS

'You can only do as well as what you have done' - BRYAN ROBSON

'Football's all about 90 minutes' - GLENN HODDLE

'It feels like winning the cup final, if that's what it feels like.' - GRAHAM HAWKINS

'If you stand still there is only one way to go, and that's backwards.' - PETER SHILTON

'I've always been a childhood Liverpool fan, even when I was a kid' - HARRY KEWELL

'It’s going to be difficult for me - I've never had to learn a language and now I do.' - DAVID BECKHAM

'He’s started anticipating what’s going to happen before it’s even happened' - GRAEME LE SAUX

'We seem to be a side that if we don't score we get beat' - JASON MCATEER

'In the last ten minutes I was breathing out of my arse' - CLINTON MORRISON

'It's not just the manager who makes the decision, it's the player who makes the decision. They both decide fifty-fifty to make a decision.' - RUUD VAN NISTELROOY

[versa]

Good work again but alas we already have one such thread embedded somewhere in this forum. :p

[Jazz 16]

Good stuff, some great ones there. Plenty from old half wit Beckham :D

I think this thread is fine here. We have other threads that are United
quotes, non-football, Strachan, Dunphy etc....
This is fine for all football quotes :)

[Soroush]

Funny as hell. http://qsmile.com/qsimages/242.gif

[piazza]

* "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.[5]"
* "What do I think of the sardine quote? Well I can tell you it is in action right now my friend"
* "My best moment? I have a lot of good moments but the one I prefer is when I kicked the hooligan."
* "If a man tells you he is the best, you must test him. In this way, i test keepers with big egos"
* "When they (fans) see me in the street, they say young Cheezy you're so easy"
* "My mother used to tell me you either blapse the ball or the ball blapses you"
* "I didn't study; I live. You can't study these things - life teaches them to you. You don't find them in a book... I've read a lot of Socrates on Page 3 of the Sun."
* "I apologise about that last quote. Socrates was a great man whom I respect greatly- he inspired me"
* "Sometimes in life one experiences an emotion which is so strong that it is difficult to think, or to reason. Sometimes you get submerged by emotion. I think it's very important to express it - which doesn't necessarily mean hitting someone. I am very mistrustful of people who are constantly over-intellectualising things. It kills passion. You have to allow yourself to lose control from time to time."
* "A song I associate with this uncontrollable desire is play that funky music white boy or, alternatively Bad Boys"
* "I feel close to the rebelliousness and vigour of the youth here. Perhaps time will separate us, but nobody can deny that here, behind the windows of Manchester, there is an insane love of football, of celebration and of music."
* "When you are a rich man you are proud to own a Rolls Royce and when you are a poor man you are proud to own a Renault."
* "France does not deserve Auxerre... England maybe, but France does not." about his youth club AJ Auxerre.
* "The Irish public should bow to the feet of Roy Keane, not slate him as he is the best player they will ever have to boast."
* "After his first training session in heaven, George Best, from his favourite right wing, turned the head of God who was filling in at left-back. He nutmegged him and scored a wonderful goal from 30 yards out. I would love him to save me a place in his team - George Best that is, not God."
* "I am God."
* "Football is like making love, if you can't last 90 minutes like me, you wont win"
* "I might have said that, but on the whole I talk a lot of rubbish."
* "I don't play against a particular team. I play against the idea of losing." The latter part of the quote was scrawled on Cantona's body for his official photograph for FIFA 100, Pelé's list of the 125 greatest living footballers.
* Described national teammate Didier Deschamps derisively as "the water-carrier". Cantona meant that Deschamps only existed to pass the ball to more talented players.
* "I had heart, and I know without heart you cannot play."
* "No, it is me." (After being asked whether Zinédine Zidane or Michel Platini was the greatest-ever French footballer [6])
* "Goals are like babies... They are all beautiful."
* "However, you get the odd ugly duckling, apologies to Van Nistelrooy."
-Eric Cantona

[scott 4 evra]

Fourth place is what we're aiming for, we don't want to be second best.

Everton's Phil Neville

classic eamon dunphy quotes 34 day ago

On Luis Garcia:
"They (Liverpool) should put Garcia where he belongs - in the dustbin."

On Djibril Cisse:
"here we have Cisse, right wing, attempts to put in a cross, BANG...hits the full back, again BANG hits the full back, BANG...off the full back again, and once more, BANG...smacks the full back again.... Millions of euro and he can't clear the first man, I mean...what's he trying to do to the full back here, Kill him??"

On Harry Kewell:
"Kewell should have been yanked off the pitch at half
time and put in a hot bath, a boiling hot bath."
"Fat and a clown. A fat clown for all to see."

On Rio Ferdinand:
"Ferdinand is a clown. He was a liability for the
first goal and he is always a liability. It was Jan Vennegoor of
Hesselink against Rio Ferdinand of Barclays Bank."
"a tramp"

On Fabio Cannavarro:
"If Rio Ferdinand is worth £100,000 a week, then
this guy is worth €100 million . . . . . a day"

On Liam Brady (After Ireland lost a two goal lead against Holland in 1983):
"He is often looked on as a great player. He is nothing of the kind. His performance on Wednesday was a disgrace, a monument to conceit adorned with vanity and self-indulgence, rendered all the more objectional by the swagger of his gait. He was deemed by many observers to have had a splendid game."

On Niall Quinn:
"I'm not gonna address the Niall Quinn agenda, Niall
Quinn is a creep"
"The man's an idiot, a Mother Theresa"

On Barcelona:
"After watching Watford against Manchester City last night
that was like a bubblebath. It was beautiful."

On Garth Crooks and Sven Goran Eriksson:
"ha, ha, ha, that's the first time you'll see sex between 2 men live on the BBC"

During the coverage of Euro 2004:
"You need dictatorships and poverty to produce great footballers."

On Christiano Ronaldo:
the way Ronaldo "clicks his heels", is the "most wicked thing in the game." "a simple cheat" "Poof ball"

On Mick McCarthy:
"He's one of the biggest whingers in world football... he's a bloody eejit."

On Kevin Kilbane:
"Kilbane's head is better than his feet. If only he had three heads, one on the end of each leg."

[manutd004]

Always great to read some hilarious quotes :p

But, I never used to like Eamonn Dunphy, but now I actually think hes pretty funny. Sometimes he goes OTT, but hes just like a fan doing punditry work :p

[RedForceRising]

* "If a man tells you he is the best, you must test him. In this way, i test keepers with big egos"
* "I didn't study; I live. You can't study these things - life teaches them to you.
* "Sometimes in life one experiences an emotion which is so strong that it is difficult to think, or to reason. Sometimes you get submerged by emotion. I think it's very important to express it - which doesn't necessarily mean hitting someone. I am very mistrustful of people who are constantly over-intellectualising things. It kills passion. You have to allow yourself to lose control from time to time."
* "The Irish public should bow to the feet of Roy Keane, not slate him as he is the best player they will ever have to boast."
* "I don't play against a particular team. I play against the idea of losing." The latter part of the quote was scrawled on Cantona's body for his official photograph for FIFA 100, Pelé's list of the 125 greatest living footballers.
* "No, it is me." (After being asked whether Zinédine Zidane or Michel Platini was the greatest-ever French footballer [6])
* "Goals are like babies... They are all beautiful."
* "However, you get the odd ugly duckling, apologies to Van Nistelrooy."
-Eric Cantona

What a character..... He is a real legend. The slave would not be worthy of being his water carrier....

[piazza]

What a character..... He is a real legend. The slave would not be worthy of being his water carrier....
These are all by other people about Eric:

* "How to create space, and then weave past a couple of defenders, McClair, here's Cantona! He's done it! That is magnificent by Cantona. And after all his problems, and his lack of form, and the criticism that's come his way, there is the perfect riposte." (Famous Words of commentator Jon Champion in the game between Manchester United F.C. vs. Sunderland A.F.C. match at Old Trafford, 21st of December, 1996.)
* "I'd give all the champagne I've ever drunk to be playing alongside him in a big European match at Old Trafford." (George Best, 1960s Manchester United legend, pays a fine compliment to Éric)
* "Collar turned up, back straight, chest stuck out, he glided into the arena as if he owned the ****ing place. Any arena, but nowhere more effectively than Old Trafford. This was his stage. He loved it, the crowd loved him" (Roy Keane, Cantona's successor as Manchester United captain.)
* "Who needs Pelé?!" John Motson commentating on Manchester United FC vs. Chelsea FC in the 1993-94 season. Cantona had just rattled the bar from the halfway line.
* Paul Ince about Cantona before he entered court: 'We stayed at the Croydon Park hotel. So we got up in the morning and I've got me suit on - the nuts, know what I mean? I knock on Éric's door and he's standing in jacket, white shirt, long collars like that [he gestures to describe long, pointed collars], unbuttoned so you can see his chest. "Eric, you can't go to court like that", I told him and he says, "I am Cantona, I can go as I want"'.
* "If a Frenchman goes on about seagulls, trawlers and sardines, he’s called a philosopher. I’d just be called a short Scottish bum talking crap." Gordon Strachan in response to Cantona's famous quote following the 1995 Crystal Palace-Simmons incident.
* "Cantona making an early run...here he is. Lovely goal. Lovely goal." This commentary was used in a song "Ooh Aah Cantona" and Man United fans still recite the commentary to one another.

[ManUtd19]

"If a Frenchman goes on about seagulls, trawlers and sardines, he’s called a philosopher. I’d just be called a short Scottish bum talking crap." Gordon Strachan in response to Cantona's famous quote following the 1995 Crystal Palace-Simmons incident.

Lol. Quite funny.

[Jazz 16]

Brilliant Cantona quotes, classic Cantona, what a man.

[piazza]

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered"

"Terry I like screwing"

-The great George best

[RedForceRising]

"He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn't score many goals. Apart from that he's all right."
- George Best
Assessment of Manchester United's David Beckham


"In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol and it was the worst 20 minutes of my life."
- George Best

[jd_united]

Georgie Best:

"In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol. It was the worst 20 minutes of my life."

But this one I think came from the heart

"When I die I'd like to be remembered as the greatest footballer of all time. When that day comes, they won't talk about the booze, the women, the fast cars. They'll talk about the football"

And I can't believe this one hasn't made it into here yet:

Kevin Keegan:

"When you do that with footballers like he said about Leeds and when you do things like that about a man like Stuart Pearce, I'm... I... I've kept really quiet but I'll tell you something: he went down in my estimation when he said that. We have not resorted to that. But I'll tell ya, you can tell him now, he'll be watching it: we're still fighting for this title and he's got to go to Middlesbrough and get something and... and... I'll tell ya... honestly... I will luv it if we beat them. Luv it."

Brings back the memories :D

[piazza]

lmfao good ol' king kev.

[andersons_left_foot]

* "I don't play against a particular team. I play against the idea of losing." The latter part of the quote was scrawled on Cantona's body for his official photograph for FIFA 100, Pelé's list of the 125 greatest living footballers.

thats going in the sig :P class quotes cantona was a legend and still is

[piazza]

thats going in the sig :P class quotes cantona was a legend and still is
I'd like to actually see the pic of it inscribed on his body. Cantona was, and still is the most enigmatic figure football has ever had. Even the man's goal celebration against Sunderland, was the best I've ever seen, and all he did was stand there. Oh how I'd love to knock a few beers back with Eric the King.:cool:

"It's like they are running around the pitch playing with themselves" - referring to the Brazil national football team.

"The Czech Republic are coming from behind in more than one way now" - in 27th minute of World Cup 2006 game against Italy

"On a scale of one to ten that was one hell of a strike"

"Koller shares a hairstyle with Jaap Stam. Of course, they have no hair"

"I think this could be our best victory over Germany since the war." On the occasion of England's 5-1 defeat of Germany in Munich, September 1, 2001.

"Steve Bruce has got the taste for Wembley in his nostrils!"

- John Motson (who I share a birthday with, just to let you know)

Match Intro - Arsenal vs. Man Utd (Jan 2007) "Meetings between these clubs are never dull, they are often momentous. League championships have been won... tempers have been lost... pizzas have been thrown."

-Jon Champion

[Keano016]

Classic SAF Quote

"My greatest challenge is not what's happening at the moment, my greatest challenge was knocking Liverpewl right off their ******* perch. And you can print that."

[andersons_left_foot]

What a character..... He is a real legend. The slave would not be worthy of being his water carrier....

as much as i hate to say it your totally right i love ronaldo at united but i wudnt swap him in a million years for cantona

[piazza]

"I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Football. Bloody hell."
ALEX FERGUSON JUST AFTER UNITED WON EUROPEAN CUP

"At the end of this game, the European Cup will be only six feet away from you and you'll not even able to touch it if we lose. And for many of you that will be the closest you will ever get. Don't you dare come back in here without giving your all".
ALEX FERGUSON HALF TIME TEAMTALK IN EUROPEAN CUP FINAL

"It would have been Sir Matt Busby's 90th birthday today, but I think he was up there doing a lot of kicking."
ALEX FERGUSON POST MATCH EUROPEAN CUP FINAL

"My greatest challenge was knocking Liverpool right off their ****ing perch...and you can print that."
FERGIE RESPONDING TO ALAN HANSEN QUESTIONING HIS FUTURE IN SEPT 2002

"Just ****ing patch him up"
FERGIE TO CLUB PHYSIO AFTER KICKING BOOT THAT CUT BECKHAM'S HEAD

"It was a freakish incident. If I tried it 100 or a million times it couldn't happen again. If I could I would have carried on playing!"
FERGIE REPONDS TO THE PRESS ABOUT BECKHAM BOOT INCIDENT

"It's getting tickly now - squeaky-bum time, I call it".
FERGIE ON THE 2003 TITLE RACE

"I'm no ****ing talking to you. He's a ****ing great player. Yous are ****ing idiots"
SIR ALEX TALKS TO JOURNALISTS ABOUT VERON

"My greatest challenge was knocking Liverpool right off their ****ing perch...and you can print that."
FERGIE RESPONDING TO ALAN HANSEN QUESTIONING HIS FUTURE IN SEPT 2002

"Eriksson would have been a nice easy choice for them [the United board] in terms of nothing really happens, does it? He doesn't change anything. He sails along, nobody falls out with him. He comes out and he says [faking a Swedish accent]: 'The first half we were good, second half we were not so good. I am very pleased with the result.' I think he'd have been all right for United, you know what I mean? The acceptable face.".
FERGIE ON SVEN GORAN ERIKSSON

"If he was an inch taller he'd be the best centre half in Britain. His father is 6ft 2in - I'd check the milkman."
ALEX FERGUSON ON GARY NEVILLE, 1996

"When an Italian tells me its pasta on the plate I check under the sauce to make sure"
ALEX FERGUSON BEFORE UNITED PLAYED INTER MILAN IN MARCH 1999

"Whether Dribbling or sprinting, Ryan can leave the best defenders with twisted blood"
FERGUSON ON RYAN GIGGS

"Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I'm not going to single him out."
ALEX FERGUSON ON ANDY COLE

"He goes to more funerals than anybody I have ever met."
KEN RAMSDEN, IN ‘UNITED WE STAND’, ON SIR ALEX.

"Sir Alex has got such a stern exterior but behind the scenes he is almost this huge, larger-than-life comedian. He’s always singing at the top of his voice."
REBECCA TOW IN 'UNITED WE STAND' BOOK

"This slice of pizza came flying over my head and hit Fergie straight in the mush. All mouths gawped to see this pizza slip off this famous, puce face and roll down his nice black suit."
ASHLEY COLE REVEALS WHAT HAPPENED IN "PIZZA-GATE" OCT 2004

"We are enjoying it greatly. It's a wonderful franchise and we just love it."
MALCOM GLAZER TALKS ABOUT HOW HE IS LOVING EVERY MINUTE AT THE MANCHESTER UNITED "FRANCHISE"

"I don't think some of the people who come to Old Trafford can spell football, never mind understand it."
ROY KEANE

"Sometimes you wonder, do they understand the game of football? They have a few drinks and probably the prawn sandwiches, and they don't realise what's going on out on the pitch."
ROY KEANE ON SECTION OF THE OLD TRAFFORD CROWD

"I'd waited long enough. I ****ing hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you ****. And don't ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries."
ROY KEANE TALKING ABOUT ALF ENG HAALAND

"Even in the dressing room afterwards, I had no remorse. My attitude was, **** him. What goes around comes around. He got his just rewards. He ****ed me over and my attitude is an eye for an eye."
ROY KEANE TALKING ABOUT ALF ENG HAALAND TACKLE

"Who the **** do you think you are, having meetings about me? Mick, you're a liar... you're a ****ing ******. I didn't rate you as a player, I don't rate you as a manager, and I don't rate you as a person. You're a ****ing ****** and you can stick your World Cup up your arse. The only reason I have any dealings with you is that somehow you are the manager of my country! You can stick it up your ********!!!"
ROY KEANE ALLEDGEDLY TO MICK McCARTHY MAY 2002

"I hope I don't come across as bitter and twisted but that man can rot in hell for all I care,"
ROY KEANE TALKING ABOUT MICK McCARTHY AUG 2002

"Just because you are paid £120,000-a-week and play well for 20 minutes against Tottenham, you think you are a superstar"
ROY KEANE 'PLAYS THE PUNDIT' ON MUTV TALKING ABOUT RIO FERDINAND, OCT 2002

"It seems to be in this club that you have to play badly to be rewarded. Maybe that is what I should do when I come back. Play badly"
ROY KEANE 'PLAYS THE PUNDIT' ON MUTV, NOV 2005

"He has discovered that, to football clubs, players are just expensive pieces of meat. The harsh realities remain and when a club decide they want to sell there is little you can do once the wheels are in motion."
ROY KEANE ON JAAP STAM'S ABRUPT OLD TRAFFORD EXIT NOV 2005

'If it's not a contract I want then I won't sign it. That's not a threat."
ROY KEANE OCT 1999

"They say Al Capone did some good things in his life. Trouble was, he would go out in the streets and shoot people. Keane is becoming United's Al Capone"
BRIAN CLOUGH COMPARES KEANO TO A 1930'S MAFIA MURDERER

"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think that sardines will be thrown into the sea"
ERIC CANTONA

"My lawyer and the officials wanted me to speak. So I just said that. It was nothing, it did not mean anything. I could have said 'The curtains are pink but I love them'"
CANTONA EXPLAINS HIS FAMOUS SARDINES QUOTE

"It is fortunate that most players are not like me or there would be anarchy."
ERIC CANTONA

"A good goal is one that is important and beautiful."
ERIC CANTONA

"Leaving a club is like leaving a woman. When you have nothing left to say, you go."
ERIC CANTONA

"An artist in my eyes, is someone who can lighten up a dark room.
I have never and will never find difference between the pass from Pele to Carlos Alberto in the final of the World Cup in 1970 and the poetry of the young Rimbaud,
who stretches cords from steeple to steeple and garlands from window to window.
There is in each of these human manifestations an expression of beauty which touches us and gives us a feeling of eternity."
ERIC CANTONA

"Look at these small fry. I could **** on them"
ERIC CANTONA THREATENS SPORTS JOURNALISTS ON A FRENCH TELEVISION CHAT SHOW IN MARCH 2001

"In my opinion he's a flashy foreigner, he'll score goals for United....only when they'ere two up"
EMLYN HUGHES ON CANTONA'S ARRIVAL IN NOVEMBER 1992

"It is totally out of the question. There is no way we would sell him, or any of our best players"
FERGIE ON SELLING BECKHAM, 12TH APRIL 2003.

"There's been lots of stuff in the media about me and my future, but I can honestly say that there has been no contact between either me or my adviser, with Real Madrid, or any other club."
DAVID BECKHAM 6TH MAY 2003

"Never, never, never, never. Nothing, never, never, never. Not now. Not ever”
REAL MADRID PRESIDENT FLORENTINO PEREZ ON SIGNING BECKHAM, APRIL 29TH 2003

"I tried it in Chinese the other night and drew some characters. It looks good and Victoria was impressed, but I copied it off a Chinese menu so I probably had fried rice, salt and pepper ribs and hot and sour soup over my arm instead of Victoria"
BECKHAM TELLS US ABOUT HIS NEW "VICTORIA" TATTOO

"I really like the clothes he wears, apart from my underwear. He keeps pinching my knickers."
VICTORIA 'POSH SPICE' BECKHAM

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had."
DAVID BECKHAM

"Beckham cannot kick with his left foot, can't head the ball, can't tackle and he doesn't score enough goals. Otherwise he's all right."
GEORGE BEST

"I only have to open my mouth and I get totally slaughtered"
BECKHAM ACKNOWLEDGES HIS BIGGEST WEAKNESS IN 1997

"It's great. He has a lot of experience with Lazio and other clubs. It should be good, it will be good. We have got many good players and they will become a good team. He is a great manager. I think it will be a good thing."
BECKHAM ON SVEN GORAN ERIKSSON

"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7"
DAVID BECKHAM

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet."
DAVID BECKHAM

"Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side."
DAVID BECKHAM

"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."
IAN WRIGHT ON THE ARGENTINA GAME

"I don't know why. Maybe some people don't like me. Maybe I'm too good."
RONALDO ON WHY CONTROVERSY SEEMS TO FOLLOW HIM IN MARCH 2007

"The 90th minute at Anfield, in front of the Kop! Gary Neville told me that is his dream and I've just gone and done it!"
JOHN O'SHEA AFTER SCORING WINNER AT ANFIELD IN MARCH 2007

[piazza]

"Unconsciously, I fell in love with the small, round sphere with its amusing and capricious rebounds which sometimes play with me"
FABIEN BARTHEZ

"The players have been fantastic to me, but they will not be kissing my head. I have told them the only person who can kiss my head is Laurent Blanc and I do not think he is going to come to United now"
FABIEN BARTHEZ'S HEAD BELONGS TO LAURENT BLANC

"There's a rumour in Spain that United players have to wear special red underwear with a Vodafone logo on it. I can tell you that I haven't seen anything like that yet but if I have to wear it I will"
UNITED KEEPER RICARDO ON SIGNING FOR UNITED AUGUST 2002

"I was drivivng through London when I saw an advert saying 'Drink Canada dry' "
GEORGE BEST ON WHY HE WENT TO NORTH AMERICA

"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered"
GEORGE BEST

"When I die I'd like to be remembered as the greatest footballer of all time. When that day comes, they won't talk about the booze, the women, the fast cars. They'll talk about the football"
GEORGE BEST

"If I had been born ugly, you would never have heard of Pelé"
GEORGE BEST

"In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol. It was the worst 20 minutes of my life."
GEORGE BEST

"I went missing quite alot...... Miss england, miss wales, miss world....."
GEORGE BEST

""Pele called me the greatest footballer in the world, that is the ultimate salute to my life."
GEORGE BEST

"Denis was the best in the business, he could score goals from a hundredth of a chance never mind half of one"
GEORGE BEST ON DENIS LAW

"'Our talking point this morning is George Best, his liver transplant and the booze culture in football. Don’t forget, the best caller wins a crate of John Smith's"
ALAN BRAZIL ON TALKSPORT BREAKFAST SHOW

"I was in for 10 hours and had 40 pints - beating my previous record by 20 minutes."
GEORGE BEST ON THE BLOOD TRANSFUSION AFTER HIS LIVER TRANSPLANT.

"What other fans steal tickets from fellow fans or from the hands of children? You must ask yourself why at the same match, with the same conditions, there was no trouble with the Milan fans - only the Liverpool fans"
UEFA'S WILLIAM GAILLARD IN JUNE 2007 ON WHY LIVERPOOL FANS ARE THE WORST IN EUROPE

"We were the last Manchester team to win the League and we'll be the next one."
PETER SWALES MANCHESTER CITY CHAIRMAN 1992

"You'll never win anything with kids"
ALAN HANSEN AUGUST 1995

"Manchester United have just signed a £36 million deal with Vodafone, whilst our sponsors have gone bust."
KEVIN KEEGAN REVEALS A MANCHESTER CITY DILEMMA, AUGUST 2003

"They've got to go to Middlesbrough and get something and I'll tell you this, I will love it if we beat them, love it".
KEVIN KEEGAN MAY 1996

"Can Manchester United score. They always score."
CLIVE TYLDESLEY BEFORE SHERINGHAM SCORED IN EURO FINAL

"Name on the trophy!"
CLIVE TYLDESLEY AFTER SHERINGHAM SCORED IN EURO FINAL

"I was shocked when I was first introduced to the fans because they brought out a sheep, cut its head off and then smeared blood over my forehead.
RONNY JOHNSEN ON LIFE WITH BESIKTAS, TURKEY

"If that lad makes a First Division footballer, my name is Mao Tse-Tung."
TOMMY "MA0 TSE-TUNG" DOCHERTY AFTER SEEING DWIGHT YORKE ON HIS DEBUT IN 1990

"I'd crawl all the way from Norwich to Manchester for the chance to play for United".
STEVE BRUCE

"If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent"
BRYAN ROBSON 1990.

"....sometimes you feel Andy needs to get four or five chances before he scores"
GLEN HODDLE ON ANDY COLE

"**** off Coisty!"
ANDY GORAM ON THE PHONE TO SIR ALEX FERGUSON. FERGIE HAD ASKED HIM TO JOIN UNITED BUT ANDY THOUGHT IT WAS AN ALLY McCOIST PRANK

"I was settled at Manchester United, I had even just ordered a new kitchen"
JAAP STAM IN SEPTEMBER 2001 AFTER BEING OFFLOADED TO LAZIO

"The world's largest mobile phone company have been connected to the world's biggest answering-back machine."
JOHN SADLER, THE SUN, ON UNITED'S DEAL WITH VODAFONE

"The only thing I have in common with George Best is that we come from the same place, play for the same club and were discovered by the same man."
NORMAN WHITESIDE

"...and he [Peter Schmeichel] extends and grows even bigger than he is."
RON ATKINSON

"Some of Paul Scholes' tackles come in so late they arrive yesterday"
CLIVE TYLDESLEY

"There's no way that Ryan Giggs is another George Best: he's another Ryan Giggs."
DENIS LAW

[16-Keano-16]

Funny Player Quotes

'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.' - Lee Hendrie

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.'
- Ian Rush

Interviewer: 'Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player?'
David Beckham: 'Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side.'

'If you're 0-0 down, there's no-one better to get you back on terms than Ian Wright.' - Robbie Earle

'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.' - Steve Lomas

'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.' - Barry Venison

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.' - David Beckham

'The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European.' - Phil Neville

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.'
- Mitchell Thomas

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.' - David Beckham

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.'
- Graeme Le Saux

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.'
- Alan Shearer

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.'
- Johnny Giles

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.' - Thierry Henry

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - Mark Viduka

'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.' - Ronnie Whelan

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.' - Neville Southall

'We lost because we didn't win.' - Ronaldo

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.' - Paul Gascoigne

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.' - Alan Shearer

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.' - Mark Draper

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.'
- Peter Shilton

'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.' - Stan Collymore

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George Ndah had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.' - Ade Akinbiyi

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.'
- Ian Wright

'It was a big relief off my shoulder.' - Paul Gascoigne

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.' - Ugo Ehiogu

'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up.' - Ian Wright

'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.' - Jonathan Woodgate

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.' - Stuart Pearce

'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.'
- David Beckham

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.'
- Les Ferdinand

'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.' - Richard Rufus

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.'
- Gary Lineker

'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.' - Vinny Jones


Funny Manager Quotes

'When a player gets to 30, so does his body.' - Glen Hoddle

'I was a young lad when I was growing up.' - David O'Leary

'Home advantage gives you an advantage.' - Bobby Robson

'It's the only way we can lose, irrespective of the result.'
- Graham Taylor

'We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match.' - Ruud Gullit

'The philosophy of a lot of European teams, even in home matches, is not to give a goal away.' - Alex Ferguson

'In a year's time, he's a year older.' - Bobby Robson

'The first 90 minutes are the most important.' - Bobby Robson

'Shearer could be at 100% fitness, but not peak fitness.'
- Graham Taylor

'As I've said before and I've said it in the past...' - Kenny Dalglish

'He was a player that hasn't had to use his legs even when he was nineteen years of age because his first two yards were in his head.'
- Glenn Hoddle

'I've seen them on television on a Sunday morning most days of the week.' - Jack Charlton

'People always remember the second half.' - Graham Taylor

'If they hadn't scored, we would've won.' - Howard Wilkinson

'Paolo Di Canio is capable of scoring the goal he scored.'
- Bryan Robson

'It was a game we should have won. We lost it because we thought we were going to win it. But then again, I thought that there was no way we were going to get a result there.' - Jack Charlton

'We keep kicking ourselves in the foot.' - Ray Wilkins

'I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different.' - Glenn Hoddle

'Of the nine red cards this season we probably deserved half of them.'
- Arsene Wenger

'It wasn't going to be our day on the night.' - Bryan Robson

'Very few of us have any idea whatsoever of what life is like living in a goldfish bowl,except, of course, for those of us who are goldfish.'
- Graham Taylor

'If you can't stand the heat in the dressing room, get out of the kitchen.'
- Terry Venables



Funny Commentators Quotes

'He's 31 this year: last year he was 30.' - David Coleman

'The ageless Dennis Wise, now in his thirties.' - Martin Tyler

'The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory.' David Coleman

'Peru score their third, and It's 3-1 to Scotland.' David Coleman

'If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.' - David Coleman

'Ian Rush is deadly 10 times out of 10, but that wasn't one of them.' - Peter Jones

'Neil Sullivan has stopped absolutely everything have thrown at him...Wimbledon 1, Manchester United 1.' - Mike Ingham

'Emile Zola has scored again for Chelsea.' - Radio 5 live

'This will be their 19th consecutive game without a win unless they can get an equaliser.' - Alan Green

'Martin O'Neill, standing, hands on hips, stroking his chin.'
- Mike Ingham

'Such a positive move by Uruguay - bringing 2 players off and putting 2 players on.' - John Helm

'It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the scoreline on Saturday.'
- Radio 5 live

'The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee.' - Mike Ingham

'Poland nil, England nil, though England are now looking the better value for their nil.' - Barry Davies

'West Germany's Briegel hasn't been able to get past anyone yet - that's his trademark.' - John Helm

'You don't score 64 goals in 86 games without being able to score goals.' - Alan Green

'It's headed away by John Clark, using his head.' - Derek Rae

'Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.'
- John Greig

'And with just 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0.' - Ian Darke

'The USA are a goal down, and if they don't get a goal they'll lose.'
- John Helm

'I predicted in August that Celtic would reach the final. On the eve of that final I stand by that prediction.' - Archie MacPherson

'McCarthy shakes his head in agreement with the referee.' - Martin Tyler

'It was the game that put the Everton ship back on the road.'
- Alan Green

'Lukic saved with his foot, which is all part of the goalkeeper's arm.'
- Barry Davies

'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.' - David Acfield

'Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras.' - Peter Jones

'Forest have now lost six matches without winning.' - David Coleman

[Ritesh MU]

he pass the defender as a knife on a butter

[abojodeh]

Funny Commentators Quotes

"jay Jay Okacha too good they named him twice"
"Brown is now bronze"
"Even is jesus was a goalie he would never save the day as peter can do"

[Zense_United]

i think jt's quote was talking abt united isnt he?

[Ritesh MU]

what a head up as if a hammer hit a nail lol

[jerrakos]

lol...some top quotes here
An Aussie Football analyst said once after a game:
"If you don't concede goals, you'll win the league"

I was playing against a team in my league and
one kid said:
"We're killing them in corners" LOL

[jerrakos]

“I can’t stand Liverpool, I can’t stand Liverpool people, I can’t stand anything to do with them,” said Manchester United captain, Gary Neville.

[TafaMANUTD]

Gary`s funny!

[liamg87]

"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip"

and "its like a flush of colour in here all the brazillian fans in yellow" or something along them lines?

I think the both were john motson?

[Rooneys_Temper]

Heres some funny quotes from then and now,alot from Rio/Fergie etc some crackers........

JANUARY


"I believe in giving our Academy players a chance. Sometimes there's no choice, it is either sink or swim - and they will swim."
Steve McClaren before Middlesbrough's 7-0 defeat at Arsenal


"Win bonus? What's that? Do we get them? We had one once. Hopefully we will get a little bit of something now."
Sunderland's Liam Lawrence after the Black Cats beat West Brom, only their second victory of the season


"I didn't know the away-goals rule counted. I thought penalties were on the cards after I'd scored. Of course, I didn't want to shout out too loud, just in case some of the Arsenal side didn't know either."
Jason Roberts after scoring the goal which sent Wigan through to the Carling Cup final at Arsenal's expense


FEBRUARY

"Even the ref shook my hand. He could have given me a penalty - that would have been even better!"
Alan Shearer after breaking Jackie Milburn's scoring record


"I want to go back to Liverpool too, but nobody loves me."
Nicolas Anelka grows envious of Robbie Fowler's move back to Liverpool


"I thought we deserved the draw. Europe here we come!"
Mick McCarthy dreams of the big-time as Sunderland claim a late point against Spurs


"Sometimes you see beautiful people with no brains. Sometimes you have ugly people who are intelligent, like scientists. Our pitch is a bit like that. From the top it's a disgrace but the ball rolls at normal speed."
Jose Mourinho discusses the Stamford Bridge pitch and offends scientists along the way


"When I looked down the leg was lying one way and my ankle was pointing towards Hong Kong - so I knew I was in serious trouble."
Alan Smith on his horrific injury, suffered in an FA Cup tie at Liverpool


"I've got a contract with United until 2010, but my future belongs to God."
Cristiano Ronaldo reveals that not even Sir Alex can match up to the Big Guy


"*@$**@!"
Micah Richards turns the air blue during a live interview after he scored a late equaliser against Aston Villa


"He barely said a word because he was so shy and when he did I couldn't understand him because of his strange accent."
Sven Goran Eriksson on his relationship with Wayne Rooney


"Thank heavens the official is an intimate friend of mine. I talk with the referee all the time. We speak together regularly and, when we are able, we dine together."
Frank Rjikaard mocks Mourinho after the Chelsea boss accused him of influencing the referee


MARCH


"This has been our Achilles heel which has been stabbing us in the back all season."
David O'Leary shows why he's a manager and not a doctor while trying to explain Villa's defensive failings


"As I've grabbed Willie, the manager's there, the staff and all the players."
John Terry talking about William Gallas...get your mind out of the gutter!


"Why should Manchester City pay me for not being their manager? I have been fortunate to earn a decent wage as a player, and now as a manager. I don't want to be wrangling with the chief executive for a couple of quid. My wife thinks I am an idiot - but that is my view."
Stuart Pearce explains his decision not to have a compensation clause in his contract


"I got a fantastic reception from the crowd here at Upton Park - and why shouldn't I? Now I'm looking forward to getting one off the wife. Reception I mean. I'm too old for all that kind of stuff."
Harry Redknapp gets saucy after seeing his Portsmouth side beat West Ham


"There are 19 managers and clubs, plus one. There are not 20 in the same table."
The Special One's in a different league


"Sometimes I dive, sometimes I stand. But I don't care about this. In football you can't stay up all the time... I don't dive, I play my game. If they are not happy with this and don't want me to play, I don't play."
A refreshingly honest quote from Didier Drogba...


"Unfortunately in the emotion of winning the game, my comments have come across partly in the wrong way. I want to make it clear that I don't dive. This was the intention of my answer."
...which is swiftly denied by an official statement on the Chelsea website


"You have to take it on the chin - or in my case, chins!"
Steve Bruce after seeing his Birmingham side thrashed 7-0 by Liverpool


"This tour takes the rarely seen trophy - the jewel in the crown of world football - to fans around the world, with the aim of spreading happiness and hope to make the world a better place."
Sepp Blatter hopes the World Cup trophy can deliver world peace


"We're not fickle. We just don't like you."
Aston Villa fans to out of favour manager David O'Leary


APRIL


"I told them to go home, look at their wives and children and say 'How do you think your daddy played today?' I won't be able to look my family in the eye after that."
Stuart Pearce perhaps takes his job a little too seriously after seeing City lose to Middlesbrough


"We went to watch a show - Billy Joel. Half of the foreign lads weren't quite sure who Billy Joel was, but I enjoyed it anyway. For the Charlton game I'll really punish them - I'll take them to see Mamma Mia"
Harry Redknapp knows how to celebrates in style


"All the restaurants were full and we couldn't get in, so we celebrated with a takeaway kebab instead."
As does Neil Warnock

"

For me, pressure is bird flu. I'm feeling a lot of pressure with the problem in Scotland. It's not fun and I'm more scared of it than football.
Jose prepares for the coming bird flu invasion


"I don't like people who drain my time and energy. If you've seen the Harry Potter films, we use the term 'dementors' - people who can draw the life out of you in terms of your energy. So we eradicate the 'dementors', encourage the positive people, and that spreads around to create the team spirit we have here."
Alan Pardew explains the motivational power of pre-pubescant wizards


"Do you really believe he didn't see anything that was right in front of him? He says he didn't see it but frankly, I don't believe him, he is lying.
Eagle-eyed Arsene Wenger complains about Martin Jol after a controversial North London derby


"In the Premiership they have no chance but in a knockout you can lose against a fourth division team. I don't think the best team won. Liverpool are winning a lot of matches, though I cannot say very well."
Mourinho, gracious as ever after losing to Liverpool in the FA Cup semi-final


"My wife will be glad about Mourinho coming to Bramall Lane because he's a good looking swine, isn't he?"
Mrs Warnock keeps her eye on Jose


MAY


"That hypocrisy that someone who's born here is a saint and someone born on the other side of the Atlantic is a devil, that doesn't exist. It's time to stop that clown show. I'm just like anybody else, I've got two legs, two arms and a head."
Big Phil Scolari demands some reason off the English press after he is touted for the England job. Good luck


"I don't care who gets the job, whether it's an alien..."
Ashley Cole on the England job perhaps after watching too many sci-fi films


"It's been harder this year, Liverpool have got better, Man U have got better, Arsenal have got better, and Tottenham have joined the quartet of five teams."
The numerically challenged Joe Cole after helping Chelsea to their second successive title


"At times football is not just and I guess God wanted Arsenal to go through."
Villarreal striker Guillermo Franco claims divine intervention after Arsenal go through to the Champions' League final


"Most bosses get kicked out the back door - I got clapped out of the front door."
Alan Curbishley after calling an end to his time at Charlton Athletic


"It's Fantasy Island stuff."
Glenn Roeder hails the magic and mystery of...the Intertoto Cup


"This was an important day and we wanted everyone together. In that situation it was best to leave Ruud out."
Sir Alex Ferguson on his best mate, Ruud van Nistelrooy


"If he's playing in his strongest position, Steven Gerrard will play his best football."
Steven Gerrard on playing for England


"I told him after the game I hoped he was saving those for the World Cup."
Alan Pardew has a word with Gerrard after the midfielder wins the FA Cup practically single-handedly


"I just pray the players can somehow succeed in Germany, in spite of the incompetent running the team. Yet I know our prospects could have been so much better. I want to go to the World Cup full of optimism. But with Eriksson in charge, I can only fear the worst."
Ian Wright, as diplomatic as ever


"Next time I'll learn to dive maybe, but I'm not a woman."
Thierry Henry charms the ladies after the Champions' League final

"I don't know how much money the other teams will spend and whether they will sign the right players. You don't need to buy the best leg for your table. You need to buy the leg you need for your table."
Rafa Benitez on his transfer policy

[Rooneys_Temper]

JUNE


"He's the future King of England and I've just done a dance for him - I think it's a bit surreal."
Peter Crouch hails Prince William with a ceremonial robo-dance


"The big man's back in town!"
Wayne Rooney returns to England's base camp in Germany


"Before the Paraguay game we'll all shake hands. At Madrid we all kiss each other before we go out. Against Jamaica, Aaron Lennon was waiting to replace me and as I approached I reached forward to kiss him, but then thought 'no, better not'."
David Beckham on the differing cultures of Spain and England


"I'm not married to David Beckham - I'm not even engaged to him."
Sven Goran Eriksson on his 'special' relationship with Becks


"Our house is in order, we just need to buy more furniture."
Paraguay coach Anibal Ruiz on his team's fortunes


"Joe has got broad shoulders and big nuts."
John Terry hails Joe Cole and his ample endowment


"I will aim for Lehmann's head. It either falls off or the ball goes in."
Carlos Tevez on his penalty taking technique against Germany

"

We are super happy! We have to deliver ourselves to God and on the day God was Portuguese."
Portugal keeper Ricardo after England fail once again on penalties


JULY



''Ninety minutes before a game there is not much a coach can do. You can't talk to players, so you sit drinking tea."
Sven Goran Eriksson on how he motivates his England side before a match


"I walked into Sainsbury's with my girlfriend and people were coming up to me and saying: 'Well done'. All I could think was: 'Well done for what?' We hadn't done anything.
Rio Ferdinand's refreshingly honest approach to England's rubbish World Cup


"It will be interesting to be in the Manchester United dressing room at the start of next season."
John Terry tries to stir up trouble after Rooney and Ronaldo's troubled summer


"I not only like to have the TV and light on to help me sleep, but also a vacuum cleaner. Failing that, a fan or a hairdryer will do. I've ruined so many hairdryers by letting them burn out. So far I haven't set fire to anywhere."
The twisted world of Wayne Rooney


"Didi speaks decent English but with a heavy Scouse accent. The Bolton accent is far different and he struggles to understand it."
Didi Hamaan rejects a move to Bolton because he couldn't understand the staff at a local McDonalds


"It's a new look for a new season at Chelsea. I did it because I want to push my son to do the same. I also did it because I want to push the young players on my team to have a proper haircut, not the Rastafarian or the others they have."
Jose Mourinho hopes his cropped haircut will inspire others

AUGUST


"His first challenge was to find a coffee machine, his second challenge was to find my office and his third challenge - the real challenge - is to build an England team that we can all be proud of."
Brian Barwick on Steve McClaren's difficult first day as England boss


"I will never shut the door on David Beckham's international career. It will never be open.... er, closed."
Steve McClaren's troubles continues as he debates David Beckham's international future


"I have no regrets, but it is a big surprise to me because he cancelled his contract to go abroad. Have you sold Portsmouth to a foreign country? No."
A shocked Arsene Wenger after Sol Campbell joins Portsmouth


It's about putting square pegs into square holes."
Wax on wax off, Steve McClaren explains his tactical philosophies

"We had a discussion but I didn't ask for his opinion."
Jose Mourinho explains his conversational techniques with Claude Makelele

SEPTEMBER


"I cycled to the stadium last Saturday for the Sheff United game - in my club suit!"
Moritz Volz on his unique travelling techniques


"Look how tall he is! He's grown up since the last time I saw him."
Jose Mourinho acts all fatherly towards Ashley Cole


"My worst fears were confirmed as Thierry and I sat in the centre circle after the final whistle. His name was sung from the rooftops, while my contribution was recognised by a deafening silence. It was like I was the invisible man."
The worlds' tiniest violin plays the world's saddest song for you, Ashley Cole


"We played extremely well with Beenie for the match against West Ham. He's come through our academy system, or rather my daughter's academy system, and he made the trip to Everton. Beenie got us a result today."
Stuart Pearce on his daughter's toy horse Beenie


"Mansfield gave us one hell of a game. I feared extra-time but we are still on the march, still unbeaten, and I'm still a brilliant manager!"
Harry Redknapp after Portsmouth beat Mansfield in the Carling Cup


OCTOBER


"He's done something that, at worst, is a little bit childish. At best, it's a bit of comedy that everyone should laugh off, but I still have to deal with it several days later."
Stuart Pearce after Joey Barton bears his backside to Everton fans


"I thought 'that's a sweet connection, I never even felt it touch my foot' - and then I've looked round and it's in the back of the net."
Paul Robinson explains his howler against Croatia


Garth Crooks: "Steve, what went wrong tonight?"
Steve McClaren: "Well basically we conceded two goals and lost the game.
Steve McClaren gives a straighforward explaination for England's humiliation


"People just looked lost. Too many players looked like fish on trees."
Paul Merson weighs in with his, uhm, unique similies


"Defoe was nibbling his arm, but if you ask Mascherano to show you any marks on it he will not be able to. Mascherano had kicked Jermain from behind three times and Defoe wanted to show his frustration in a nice, comical way."
Martin Jol explains that biting people is just a way of showing you care


"He's like a second wife."
Benni McCarthy is getting on really well with strike partner Jason Roberts


"Places like this are the soul of English football. The crowd is magnificent, saying '**** ***** Mourinho' and so on.
Jose Mourinho enjoys the abuse from the Bramall Lane crowd


"Defoe showed a bit of bite tonight. He got his teeth into us, the *******!"
MK Dons boss Martin Allen pokes fun at Jermain Defoe after the striker scored a hat-trick during Spurs' 5-0 Carling Cup victory


NOVEMBER


"He was towering over me and the other players were almost covering their eyes. I'm looking up and thinking 'if he does hit me, I'm dead'."
Sir Alex Ferguson recalls a run-in with former keeper Peter Schmeichel


"The worst thing about playing Chelsea is having to listen to Mourinho afterwards."
Barcelona midfielder Edmilson


"She shouldn't be here. I know that sounds sexist but I am sexist. This is not park football, so what are women doing here? We have a problem in this country with political correctness - bringing women into the game is not the way to improve refereeing and officialdom. If you start bringing in women you have big problems. It is tokenism for the politically correct idiots."
Noted ladies man Mike Newell

"If we are not careful we will be playing in high heels and skirts and playing netball. It is so frustrating."
Steve Bruce chips in by complaining about referee Howard Webb after his display during Birmingham's Carling Cup match against Liverpool


"I don't think we've got a discipline problem. It's the players who are thick who are causing the problems."
Neil Warnock after keeper Paddy Kenny had his eyebrow bitten off in a fight


"I have not got accustomed to English life. The food is truly disastrous and it rains all the time."
Patrice Evra explains the joys of English cuisine



DECEMBER


"Quite simply, it is true that I can be a pig! It is not a lie to say that. Sometimes, I feel that I am in the right even when I am wrong."
Thierry Henry on his alleged feud with Arsene Wenger


"By 2014 we want to be internationally recognised as the number one club."
Peter Kenyon aims for world domination


"I'm hardly going to tremble about it."
Sir Alex Ferguson shows no fear


"I do not know why a player at 25 wants to tell me all about their big experiences. When I consider the age I am now, I would have a lot to tell people. But it seems to be an English habit to come out with books that nobody needs."
Jens Lehmann on Ashley Cole's masterful tome


"England did nothing in the World Cup, so why are they bringing books out? 'We got beat in the quarter-finals, we played like ****, here's my book'. Who wants to read that? I don't."

Joey Barton's not impressed with players' autobiographies either


"We will only be in trouble if we listen to Jose too much."
Sir Alex Ferguson on the title run-in

[RyanGiggs]

Haha great quotes rooneys_temper

[Grif SA]

"I will aim for Lehmann's head. It either falls off or the ball goes in."
Carlos Tevez on his penalty taking technique against Germany
This could well be the best quote I've heard from a footballer.

[RedForceRising]

Got this from an old post:


"They'll be all right. They'll be safe."
Roy Keane when asked about Manchester United's prospects for the season.
(Jack, Ireland).

"Nothing surprises me in football but if I said I was astounded that would be
an understatement."
Ray Wilkins on Jose Mourinho's departure from Chelsea. (Jon Harbage, England).

"As miscarriages of justice go, this was up there with the Birmingham Six."
Sports writer Simon Hart in the Telegraph on West Ham's one-shot April win
against Arsenal, who dominated the other 89 minutes, 55 seconds. (Bill, Sydney,
Australia).

"Our objective is keep Arsenal English, albeit with a lot of foreign players."
Peter Hill-Wood, chairman of Arsenal, redefines "Englishness". As in, not actually
that English at all. (Phil Railton, England).


"Ryan O'Leary had to come on in the second half because Simon Ford was
feeling his groin at half-time."
Comment from Kilmarnock Manager Jim Jeffries after the game v Hearts. (Stuart
Graham, UK).

Owen takes a time out - and no wonder !!
Michael Owen: "I've worked my nuts off to get here."
Sky Sports interviewer: "How are you feeling now?"
Owen: "My groin is a bit sore."
Sky Sports interviewer: "No wonder really!"

"Quakers are likely to be without Greg Blundell tomorrow as the striker
struggles with a dead calf."
From the Northern Echo. I can just picture the Darlington striker down on the
farm! (Tim Hanstock, England).

"I don't know why he's called me an elephant seal... except for my changing
room party trick where I shuffle along on my stomach and catch fish from the
other players!"
Trevor Benjamin responding with a touch of sarcasm when asked on local news
about Walsall manager Richard Money's comparison of him to an elephant seal.
(Craig 'Snozzleberry' Stevens, Walsall).

"It was revealed this week that Hamilton will be driving in Monaco with
diamonds embedded in his helmet. Christ, that's gotta hurt."
Derek McGovern's column in the Daily Mirror. (Simon, England).

"I've been a bit of a useless tosser up to now."
Paul Collingwood commenting on BBC Radio 5 Live after winning the toss against
the West Indies in the one-day series. (Chris Huff, Bologna, Italy).

"I can't deny that SK Brann were the better team."
Carmarthen manager Deryn Brace after witnessing his side's 8-0 defeat. (Dan
Henwood, Wales).

"Matthew's great. He says things like: 'Come on dad, we can still get a birdie
here'. I reply: 'Matthew, we're in a ditch'."
Nick Faldo at Carnoustie. (Nick Sawford, Australia).

[piazza]

Courtesy of Roy Keane:

"Even in the dressing room afterwards, I had no remorse. My attitude was, **** him. What goes around comes around. He got his just rewards. He ****ed me over and my attitude is an eye for an eye."
Roy Keane
Talking about Alf Inge Haaland tackle, Observer Sport Monthly Magazine

"I'd waited long enough. I ****ing hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you ****. And don't ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries."
"That man can rot in hell for all I care."
Roy Keane
About Ireland soccer manager Mick McCarthy, Observer Sport Monthly Magazine

[RedForceRising]

"They can crumble as easily as ice cream in this heat."
Sammy Nelson

"Ian Rush, deadly ten times out of ten, but that wasn't one of them."
Peter Jones

"You'll be hoping that this run of injuries will stop earlier than it started."
Andrew Gidley

"Oh, he had an eternity to play that ball, but he took too long over it."
Martin Tyler

"McCarthy shakes his head in agreement with the referee."
Martin Tyler

"The boys' feet have been up in the clouds since the win."
Alan Buckley

"We are really quite lucky this year because Christmas falls on Christmas Day."
Bobby Gould

"And Ritchie has now scored 11 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season."
Alan Parry

"I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in."
Terry Venables

"If you stand still there is only one way to go, and that's backwards."
Peter Shilton

[stretty]

one of my all time favourites was david coleman commentating on the ladies weightlifting , when one of the women dropped the weights " i dont believe it i saw her snatch this morning and it was really clean "

[piazza]

"In any team of the decade, the fullback slots are already nailed down: Denis Irwin at right back, and Denis Irwin at left back."

---Alan Hansen

[Red Devil]

I have just deleted no less than 59 posts from this thread, all on the bloody topic of Berbatov coming to United!!!

GET IT RIGHT!!!

[Red Devil]

Jeff Spedding: Sky Sports - Sat Oct 4th 2008:

"Wycombe don't score many goals, when they do they count!"