Some Jokes

[-zuco-]

What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?

About 2.3 pounds including the urn.

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I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me.
'Oi, what's your disability?'
I said 'Tourettes! Now **** *** you ******'

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I said to the wife, 'I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' '

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What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?
Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.

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A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, Iwas a hooker!'.
He says 'That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.
She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !'.

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A man says to his wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'.
His wife replies 'You've got a bigger todger than your brother'

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One day , long long time ago

there was a woman that did not whine, moan or bitch



but that was a long long time ago and just one day

[reddevil11]

Lol i like the shipman one :p

[abojodeh]

One day , long long time ago

there was a woman that did not whine, moan or bitch



but that was a long long time ago and just one day

thats wrong
just for one hour not day :D

[SALFORD RED]

:D lmao, Good ones there Z, cheers.

I said to the wife, 'I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' '
Double LMFAO.:D
.

[Jazz 16]

lmao, some gus un's there.

[askurmum999]

a couple of good ones there

[PrinceZane]

I don't get the Shipman one >_>

[-zuco-]

I don't get the Shipman one >_>
Harold Shipman was a doctor that gave some of his patients lethal doses of
morphine. He was found guilty of murdering a small number of elderly people
(around 20 I think) but the true number of victims is though to be around 150.

That's from the top of my head, I'm sure wiki will help you out :p

Edit:

On 31 January 2000, Shipman was found guilty of 15 murders and sentenced to life imprisonment with a recommendation from the trial judge that he should never be released. Two years later, Home Secretary David Blunkett agreed with this recommendation.

After his trial, a public inquest chaired by Dame Janet Smith, decided that there was enough evidence to suggest that Shipman had killed a total of over 215 people, about 80 percent of them female. His youngest victim was Peter Lewis, a 41-year-old man.[2][3]


He committed suicide in jail.

[PrinceZane]

Ah, and NHS must be something for like... national hospital services or something. makes sense now :D

[-zuco-]

Ah, and NHS must be something for like... national hospital services or something. makes sense now :D
National Health Service :D

Everybody in the country pays National Insurance which
comes out of their wages and it goes towards funding the
NHS so that everybody, poor or rich, gets medical treatment free :)

Well not free cos we paid the National Insurance but you know what I mean :p

[PrinceZane]

Yeah, that's cool. Good idea. Too bad we're too stiff in the states to do anything um... whats that word.... um..... oh yea, helpful for each other

[frenchie]

very good Danny...hehehe...lol

[Ritesh MU]

very bad lol

[Keano!]

lmao....peoples dreams of being comedians probably get crushed by some comments here! :p lmao


Keep the jokes coming peoples!

[red lady]

i like, very good lol.