[piazza]

"I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Football. Bloody hell."
ALEX FERGUSON JUST AFTER UNITED WON EUROPEAN CUP

"At the end of this game, the European Cup will be only six feet away from you and you'll not even able to touch it if we lose. And for many of you that will be the closest you will ever get. Don't you dare come back in here without giving your all".
ALEX FERGUSON HALF TIME TEAMTALK IN EUROPEAN CUP FINAL

"It would have been Sir Matt Busby's 90th birthday today, but I think he was up there doing a lot of kicking."
ALEX FERGUSON POST MATCH EUROPEAN CUP FINAL

"My greatest challenge was knocking Liverpool right off their ****ing perch...and you can print that."
FERGIE RESPONDING TO ALAN HANSEN QUESTIONING HIS FUTURE IN SEPT 2002

"Just ****ing patch him up"
FERGIE TO CLUB PHYSIO AFTER KICKING BOOT THAT CUT BECKHAM'S HEAD

"It was a freakish incident. If I tried it 100 or a million times it couldn't happen again. If I could I would have carried on playing!"
FERGIE REPONDS TO THE PRESS ABOUT BECKHAM BOOT INCIDENT

"It's getting tickly now - squeaky-bum time, I call it".
FERGIE ON THE 2003 TITLE RACE

"I'm no ****ing talking to you. He's a ****ing great player. Yous are ****ing idiots"
SIR ALEX TALKS TO JOURNALISTS ABOUT VERON

"My greatest challenge was knocking Liverpool right off their ****ing perch...and you can print that."
FERGIE RESPONDING TO ALAN HANSEN QUESTIONING HIS FUTURE IN SEPT 2002

"Eriksson would have been a nice easy choice for them [the United board] in terms of nothing really happens, does it? He doesn't change anything. He sails along, nobody falls out with him. He comes out and he says [faking a Swedish accent]: 'The first half we were good, second half we were not so good. I am very pleased with the result.' I think he'd have been all right for United, you know what I mean? The acceptable face.".
FERGIE ON SVEN GORAN ERIKSSON

"If he was an inch taller he'd be the best centre half in Britain. His father is 6ft 2in - I'd check the milkman."
ALEX FERGUSON ON GARY NEVILLE, 1996

"When an Italian tells me its pasta on the plate I check under the sauce to make sure"
ALEX FERGUSON BEFORE UNITED PLAYED INTER MILAN IN MARCH 1999

"Whether Dribbling or sprinting, Ryan can leave the best defenders with twisted blood"
FERGUSON ON RYAN GIGGS

"Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I'm not going to single him out."
ALEX FERGUSON ON ANDY COLE

"He goes to more funerals than anybody I have ever met."
KEN RAMSDEN, IN ‘UNITED WE STAND’, ON SIR ALEX.

"Sir Alex has got such a stern exterior but behind the scenes he is almost this huge, larger-than-life comedian. He’s always singing at the top of his voice."
REBECCA TOW IN 'UNITED WE STAND' BOOK

"This slice of pizza came flying over my head and hit Fergie straight in the mush. All mouths gawped to see this pizza slip off this famous, puce face and roll down his nice black suit."
ASHLEY COLE REVEALS WHAT HAPPENED IN "PIZZA-GATE" OCT 2004

"We are enjoying it greatly. It's a wonderful franchise and we just love it."
MALCOM GLAZER TALKS ABOUT HOW HE IS LOVING EVERY MINUTE AT THE MANCHESTER UNITED "FRANCHISE"

"I don't think some of the people who come to Old Trafford can spell football, never mind understand it."
ROY KEANE

"Sometimes you wonder, do they understand the game of football? They have a few drinks and probably the prawn sandwiches, and they don't realise what's going on out on the pitch."
ROY KEANE ON SECTION OF THE OLD TRAFFORD CROWD

"I'd waited long enough. I ****ing hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you ****. And don't ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries."
ROY KEANE TALKING ABOUT ALF ENG HAALAND

"Even in the dressing room afterwards, I had no remorse. My attitude was, **** him. What goes around comes around. He got his just rewards. He ****ed me over and my attitude is an eye for an eye."
ROY KEANE TALKING ABOUT ALF ENG HAALAND TACKLE

"Who the **** do you think you are, having meetings about me? Mick, you're a liar... you're a ****ing ******. I didn't rate you as a player, I don't rate you as a manager, and I don't rate you as a person. You're a ****ing ****** and you can stick your World Cup up your arse. The only reason I have any dealings with you is that somehow you are the manager of my country! You can stick it up your ********!!!"
ROY KEANE ALLEDGEDLY TO MICK McCARTHY MAY 2002

"I hope I don't come across as bitter and twisted but that man can rot in hell for all I care,"
ROY KEANE TALKING ABOUT MICK McCARTHY AUG 2002

"Just because you are paid £120,000-a-week and play well for 20 minutes against Tottenham, you think you are a superstar"
ROY KEANE 'PLAYS THE PUNDIT' ON MUTV TALKING ABOUT RIO FERDINAND, OCT 2002

"It seems to be in this club that you have to play badly to be rewarded. Maybe that is what I should do when I come back. Play badly"
ROY KEANE 'PLAYS THE PUNDIT' ON MUTV, NOV 2005

"He has discovered that, to football clubs, players are just expensive pieces of meat. The harsh realities remain and when a club decide they want to sell there is little you can do once the wheels are in motion."
ROY KEANE ON JAAP STAM'S ABRUPT OLD TRAFFORD EXIT NOV 2005

'If it's not a contract I want then I won't sign it. That's not a threat."
ROY KEANE OCT 1999

"They say Al Capone did some good things in his life. Trouble was, he would go out in the streets and shoot people. Keane is becoming United's Al Capone"
BRIAN CLOUGH COMPARES KEANO TO A 1930'S MAFIA MURDERER

"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think that sardines will be thrown into the sea"
ERIC CANTONA

"My lawyer and the officials wanted me to speak. So I just said that. It was nothing, it did not mean anything. I could have said 'The curtains are pink but I love them'"
CANTONA EXPLAINS HIS FAMOUS SARDINES QUOTE

"It is fortunate that most players are not like me or there would be anarchy."
ERIC CANTONA

"A good goal is one that is important and beautiful."
ERIC CANTONA

"Leaving a club is like leaving a woman. When you have nothing left to say, you go."
ERIC CANTONA

"An artist in my eyes, is someone who can lighten up a dark room.
I have never and will never find difference between the pass from Pele to Carlos Alberto in the final of the World Cup in 1970 and the poetry of the young Rimbaud,
who stretches cords from steeple to steeple and garlands from window to window.
There is in each of these human manifestations an expression of beauty which touches us and gives us a feeling of eternity."
ERIC CANTONA

"Look at these small fry. I could **** on them"
ERIC CANTONA THREATENS SPORTS JOURNALISTS ON A FRENCH TELEVISION CHAT SHOW IN MARCH 2001

"In my opinion he's a flashy foreigner, he'll score goals for United....only when they'ere two up"
EMLYN HUGHES ON CANTONA'S ARRIVAL IN NOVEMBER 1992

"It is totally out of the question. There is no way we would sell him, or any of our best players"
FERGIE ON SELLING BECKHAM, 12TH APRIL 2003.

"There's been lots of stuff in the media about me and my future, but I can honestly say that there has been no contact between either me or my adviser, with Real Madrid, or any other club."
DAVID BECKHAM 6TH MAY 2003

"Never, never, never, never. Nothing, never, never, never. Not now. Not ever”
REAL MADRID PRESIDENT FLORENTINO PEREZ ON SIGNING BECKHAM, APRIL 29TH 2003

"I tried it in Chinese the other night and drew some characters. It looks good and Victoria was impressed, but I copied it off a Chinese menu so I probably had fried rice, salt and pepper ribs and hot and sour soup over my arm instead of Victoria"
BECKHAM TELLS US ABOUT HIS NEW "VICTORIA" TATTOO

"I really like the clothes he wears, apart from my underwear. He keeps pinching my knickers."
VICTORIA 'POSH SPICE' BECKHAM

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had."
DAVID BECKHAM

"Beckham cannot kick with his left foot, can't head the ball, can't tackle and he doesn't score enough goals. Otherwise he's all right."
GEORGE BEST

"I only have to open my mouth and I get totally slaughtered"
BECKHAM ACKNOWLEDGES HIS BIGGEST WEAKNESS IN 1997

"It's great. He has a lot of experience with Lazio and other clubs. It should be good, it will be good. We have got many good players and they will become a good team. He is a great manager. I think it will be a good thing."
BECKHAM ON SVEN GORAN ERIKSSON

"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7"
DAVID BECKHAM

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet."
DAVID BECKHAM

"Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side."
DAVID BECKHAM

"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."
IAN WRIGHT ON THE ARGENTINA GAME

"I don't know why. Maybe some people don't like me. Maybe I'm too good."
RONALDO ON WHY CONTROVERSY SEEMS TO FOLLOW HIM IN MARCH 2007

"The 90th minute at Anfield, in front of the Kop! Gary Neville told me that is his dream and I've just gone and done it!"
JOHN O'SHEA AFTER SCORING WINNER AT ANFIELD IN MARCH 2007

[piazza]

"Unconsciously, I fell in love with the small, round sphere with its amusing and capricious rebounds which sometimes play with me"
FABIEN BARTHEZ

"The players have been fantastic to me, but they will not be kissing my head. I have told them the only person who can kiss my head is Laurent Blanc and I do not think he is going to come to United now"
FABIEN BARTHEZ'S HEAD BELONGS TO LAURENT BLANC

"There's a rumour in Spain that United players have to wear special red underwear with a Vodafone logo on it. I can tell you that I haven't seen anything like that yet but if I have to wear it I will"
UNITED KEEPER RICARDO ON SIGNING FOR UNITED AUGUST 2002

"I was drivivng through London when I saw an advert saying 'Drink Canada dry' "
GEORGE BEST ON WHY HE WENT TO NORTH AMERICA

"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered"
GEORGE BEST

"When I die I'd like to be remembered as the greatest footballer of all time. When that day comes, they won't talk about the booze, the women, the fast cars. They'll talk about the football"
GEORGE BEST

"If I had been born ugly, you would never have heard of Pelé"
GEORGE BEST

"In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol. It was the worst 20 minutes of my life."
GEORGE BEST

"I went missing quite alot...... Miss england, miss wales, miss world....."
GEORGE BEST

""Pele called me the greatest footballer in the world, that is the ultimate salute to my life."
GEORGE BEST

"Denis was the best in the business, he could score goals from a hundredth of a chance never mind half of one"
GEORGE BEST ON DENIS LAW

"'Our talking point this morning is George Best, his liver transplant and the booze culture in football. Don’t forget, the best caller wins a crate of John Smith's"
ALAN BRAZIL ON TALKSPORT BREAKFAST SHOW

"I was in for 10 hours and had 40 pints - beating my previous record by 20 minutes."
GEORGE BEST ON THE BLOOD TRANSFUSION AFTER HIS LIVER TRANSPLANT.

"What other fans steal tickets from fellow fans or from the hands of children? You must ask yourself why at the same match, with the same conditions, there was no trouble with the Milan fans - only the Liverpool fans"
UEFA'S WILLIAM GAILLARD IN JUNE 2007 ON WHY LIVERPOOL FANS ARE THE WORST IN EUROPE

"We were the last Manchester team to win the League and we'll be the next one."
PETER SWALES MANCHESTER CITY CHAIRMAN 1992

"You'll never win anything with kids"
ALAN HANSEN AUGUST 1995

"Manchester United have just signed a £36 million deal with Vodafone, whilst our sponsors have gone bust."
KEVIN KEEGAN REVEALS A MANCHESTER CITY DILEMMA, AUGUST 2003

"They've got to go to Middlesbrough and get something and I'll tell you this, I will love it if we beat them, love it".
KEVIN KEEGAN MAY 1996

"Can Manchester United score. They always score."
CLIVE TYLDESLEY BEFORE SHERINGHAM SCORED IN EURO FINAL

"Name on the trophy!"
CLIVE TYLDESLEY AFTER SHERINGHAM SCORED IN EURO FINAL

"I was shocked when I was first introduced to the fans because they brought out a sheep, cut its head off and then smeared blood over my forehead.
RONNY JOHNSEN ON LIFE WITH BESIKTAS, TURKEY

"If that lad makes a First Division footballer, my name is Mao Tse-Tung."
TOMMY "MA0 TSE-TUNG" DOCHERTY AFTER SEEING DWIGHT YORKE ON HIS DEBUT IN 1990

"I'd crawl all the way from Norwich to Manchester for the chance to play for United".
STEVE BRUCE

"If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent"
BRYAN ROBSON 1990.

"....sometimes you feel Andy needs to get four or five chances before he scores"
GLEN HODDLE ON ANDY COLE

"**** off Coisty!"
ANDY GORAM ON THE PHONE TO SIR ALEX FERGUSON. FERGIE HAD ASKED HIM TO JOIN UNITED BUT ANDY THOUGHT IT WAS AN ALLY McCOIST PRANK

"I was settled at Manchester United, I had even just ordered a new kitchen"
JAAP STAM IN SEPTEMBER 2001 AFTER BEING OFFLOADED TO LAZIO

"The world's largest mobile phone company have been connected to the world's biggest answering-back machine."
JOHN SADLER, THE SUN, ON UNITED'S DEAL WITH VODAFONE

"The only thing I have in common with George Best is that we come from the same place, play for the same club and were discovered by the same man."
NORMAN WHITESIDE

"...and he [Peter Schmeichel] extends and grows even bigger than he is."
RON ATKINSON

"Some of Paul Scholes' tackles come in so late they arrive yesterday"
CLIVE TYLDESLEY

"There's no way that Ryan Giggs is another George Best: he's another Ryan Giggs."
DENIS LAW

[16-Keano-16]

Funny Player Quotes

'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.' - Lee Hendrie

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.'
- Ian Rush

Interviewer: 'Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player?'
David Beckham: 'Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side.'

'If you're 0-0 down, there's no-one better to get you back on terms than Ian Wright.' - Robbie Earle

'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.' - Steve Lomas

'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.' - Barry Venison

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.' - David Beckham

'The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European.' - Phil Neville

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.'
- Mitchell Thomas

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.' - David Beckham

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.'
- Graeme Le Saux

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.'
- Alan Shearer

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.'
- Johnny Giles

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.' - Thierry Henry

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - Mark Viduka

'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.' - Ronnie Whelan

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.' - Neville Southall

'We lost because we didn't win.' - Ronaldo

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.' - Paul Gascoigne

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.' - Alan Shearer

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.' - Mark Draper

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.'
- Peter Shilton

'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.' - Stan Collymore

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George Ndah had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.' - Ade Akinbiyi

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.'
- Ian Wright

'It was a big relief off my shoulder.' - Paul Gascoigne

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.' - Ugo Ehiogu

'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up.' - Ian Wright

'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.' - Jonathan Woodgate

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.' - Stuart Pearce

'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.'
- David Beckham

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.'
- Les Ferdinand

'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.' - Richard Rufus

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.'
- Gary Lineker

'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.' - Vinny Jones


Funny Manager Quotes

'When a player gets to 30, so does his body.' - Glen Hoddle

'I was a young lad when I was growing up.' - David O'Leary

'Home advantage gives you an advantage.' - Bobby Robson

'It's the only way we can lose, irrespective of the result.'
- Graham Taylor

'We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match.' - Ruud Gullit

'The philosophy of a lot of European teams, even in home matches, is not to give a goal away.' - Alex Ferguson

'In a year's time, he's a year older.' - Bobby Robson

'The first 90 minutes are the most important.' - Bobby Robson

'Shearer could be at 100% fitness, but not peak fitness.'
- Graham Taylor

'As I've said before and I've said it in the past...' - Kenny Dalglish

'He was a player that hasn't had to use his legs even when he was nineteen years of age because his first two yards were in his head.'
- Glenn Hoddle

'I've seen them on television on a Sunday morning most days of the week.' - Jack Charlton

'People always remember the second half.' - Graham Taylor

'If they hadn't scored, we would've won.' - Howard Wilkinson

'Paolo Di Canio is capable of scoring the goal he scored.'
- Bryan Robson

'It was a game we should have won. We lost it because we thought we were going to win it. But then again, I thought that there was no way we were going to get a result there.' - Jack Charlton

'We keep kicking ourselves in the foot.' - Ray Wilkins

'I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different.' - Glenn Hoddle

'Of the nine red cards this season we probably deserved half of them.'
- Arsene Wenger

'It wasn't going to be our day on the night.' - Bryan Robson

'Very few of us have any idea whatsoever of what life is like living in a goldfish bowl,except, of course, for those of us who are goldfish.'
- Graham Taylor

'If you can't stand the heat in the dressing room, get out of the kitchen.'
- Terry Venables



Funny Commentators Quotes

'He's 31 this year: last year he was 30.' - David Coleman

'The ageless Dennis Wise, now in his thirties.' - Martin Tyler

'The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory.' David Coleman

'Peru score their third, and It's 3-1 to Scotland.' David Coleman

'If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.' - David Coleman

'Ian Rush is deadly 10 times out of 10, but that wasn't one of them.' - Peter Jones

'Neil Sullivan has stopped absolutely everything have thrown at him...Wimbledon 1, Manchester United 1.' - Mike Ingham

'Emile Zola has scored again for Chelsea.' - Radio 5 live

'This will be their 19th consecutive game without a win unless they can get an equaliser.' - Alan Green

'Martin O'Neill, standing, hands on hips, stroking his chin.'
- Mike Ingham

'Such a positive move by Uruguay - bringing 2 players off and putting 2 players on.' - John Helm

'It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the scoreline on Saturday.'
- Radio 5 live

'The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee.' - Mike Ingham

'Poland nil, England nil, though England are now looking the better value for their nil.' - Barry Davies

'West Germany's Briegel hasn't been able to get past anyone yet - that's his trademark.' - John Helm

'You don't score 64 goals in 86 games without being able to score goals.' - Alan Green

'It's headed away by John Clark, using his head.' - Derek Rae

'Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.'
- John Greig

'And with just 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0.' - Ian Darke

'The USA are a goal down, and if they don't get a goal they'll lose.'
- John Helm

'I predicted in August that Celtic would reach the final. On the eve of that final I stand by that prediction.' - Archie MacPherson

'McCarthy shakes his head in agreement with the referee.' - Martin Tyler

'It was the game that put the Everton ship back on the road.'
- Alan Green

'Lukic saved with his foot, which is all part of the goalkeeper's arm.'
- Barry Davies

'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.' - David Acfield

'Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras.' - Peter Jones

'Forest have now lost six matches without winning.' - David Coleman

[Ritesh MU]

he pass the defender as a knife on a butter

[abojodeh]

Funny Commentators Quotes

"jay Jay Okacha too good they named him twice"
"Brown is now bronze"
"Even is jesus was a goalie he would never save the day as peter can do"

[Zense_United]

i think jt's quote was talking abt united isnt he?

[Ritesh MU]

what a head up as if a hammer hit a nail lol

[jerrakos]

lol...some top quotes here
An Aussie Football analyst said once after a game:
"If you don't concede goals, you'll win the league"

I was playing against a team in my league and
one kid said:
"We're killing them in corners" LOL

[jerrakos]

“I can’t stand Liverpool, I can’t stand Liverpool people, I can’t stand anything to do with them,” said Manchester United captain, Gary Neville.

[TafaMANUTD]

Gary`s funny!