[SALFORD RED]

Couldn't decide where to post these, Pub or Jokes forum.
These are all real lonely hearts ads from the personal sections
of Scottish newspapers but posted in Jokes as they are well funny.

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Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone,
Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango
sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion.
Must have own car and be willing to travel. Box 09/08



Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered.
Box06/03



Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested
in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps on
Sauchiehall Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82 .



Bitter, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by longtime fiancée
seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in
this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches. Box /41



Ginger-haired Paisley troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a
few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe
more Box 84/87



Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach,
writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes,
seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we
bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy
journey. Strong stomach essential Box 12/32



Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will
include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social
functions. References required. No timewasters. Box 3/45



Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old ****** living in a damp cottage in the
arse end of Orkney seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big
chest. Box 40/27



Devil-worshiper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and
dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering
dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
Box 52/07



Attractive brunette, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler
competition at Frampton's Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978,
seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent
comfort-drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please!
Box 30/41



Govan man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for
the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm
Box 53/26

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[Keano4taoiseach]

LMAO they were superb