[SALFORD RED]

2 dwarfs pull 2 girls & take them home, 1st dwarf cant get it up & 2 make things worse, all nite he can hear 2nd dwarf saying "here i come again, 1 2 3 uuh". next morning 1st dwarf says 2 2nd "how embarrasing, i couldn't even get an erection, 2nd dwarf says "u think thats bad, i couldnt even get on the bloody bed.




Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. The other one calls the emergency services.

Caller: My friend just collapsed and I think he's dead!!

Emergency: Sir, you need to calm down, OK, we will help you but I need you to be absolutley sure he is dead before I dispatch...can you check that for me, can you make sure he's dead?

Caller: Okay...

*silence*

*GUNSHOT*

Caller: Okay now what?




A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.'
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really have sex, I'll have nothing left to live for.'

.

[Anderson's God]

The father and son one is good lol

[PrinceZane]

Haha. Good as usual sir

[Ajant]

hahaha. Excellent work

[dovorian]

All 3 of them are excellent as usual. lol

[SALFORD RED]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his ***** in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "

[GeordieMancunian]

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"****" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the theatre.

[carlyluvsunited]

Originally Posted by SALFORD RED

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his ***** in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "

[R_9-Ronaldo]

Originally Posted by SALFORD RED

2 dwarfs pull 2 girls & take them home, 1st dwarf cant get it up & 2 make things worse, all nite he can hear 2nd dwarf saying "here i come again, 1 2 3 uuh". next morning 1st dwarf says 2 2nd "how embarrasing, i couldn't even get an erection, 2nd dwarf says "u think thats bad, i couldnt even get on the bloody bed.




Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. The other one calls the emergency services.

Caller: My friend just collapsed and I think he's dead!!

Emergency: Sir, you need to calm down, OK, we will help you but I need you to be absolutley sure he is dead before I dispatch...can you check that for me, can you make sure he's dead?

Caller: Okay...

*silence*

*GUNSHOT*

Caller: Okay now what?




A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.'
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really have sex, I'll have nothing left to live for.'

.

The kid's got a point

[Ajant]

Haha some more good ones there lads.