[red devil jeff]

Liverpools newest big-name signing, a Bosnian international, has just scored on his debut for the club and immediately after the match phones his Mum:
Bosnian-Scouser: Hello Mum.
Mum: Hello son, how was your debut?
B-S: Well it went brilliantly. I scored in front of the Kop and we only lost 3-1.
Mum: That's wonderful. But I'm afraid that things here at home aren't so good.
B-S: Why, what's happened?
Mum: Well, this morning our car was set ablaze by a masked mob. They then broke into our house with baseball bats and battered your brother. They shot your father in the kneecaps, so he can't walk anymore, and then raped your sister before moving on to the dog.
B-S: That's terrible....
Mum: I know. Why couldn't you have left us in Bosnia instead of bringing us to Liverpool with you?


Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty scousers showed up. Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous from the group.
A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone."
"What? All of the Scousers are gone?" asked God.
"No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"


One day a scouser dies so before he goes to heaven he arrives at the gates of St Peters.
"Age?" Peter asks.
"24" the little scouser replied.
"Where did you live?"
"Well, um, Liverpool"
"Were you blue or were you red" asked St. Peter.
"Red till I died" replied the scouser.
"Sorry no scousers allowed into heaven they are all robbing little ****s!"
"But but I have done good things."
"Like what?"
"Well, last week I gave a tenner to the homeless the week before that I gave a tenner to oxfam and the day I died I gave a tenner to the heart foundation!"
"Well I will see what I can do I will go and explain the situation to God."
After half an hour out comes St. Peter followed by god who is wearing a united shirt.
"Right I heard what you have done with all the good causes what with giving away thirty quid to charity and I have come up with a solution" God said.
"What is it?" asked the scouser.
"Well, here is your thirty quid now **** off!"

[haggler]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.
This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the
British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some
Liverpudlian youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on
how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels
in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's
existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds
worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management
team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an
advantage over every other team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first
practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all
four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had
re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases
of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the
shower.

[Jodz]

That's hilarious.

Thanks for sharing mate.

[akash_reds]

lmao @ hagglers joke..

[Forever_United]

theres a mancunian a scouser and an irishman sitting round a camp-fire, suddenly a figure appears from the bushes.
"wow, its jesus!" cried the irishman.
"i don't belive it" said the manc.

jesus walked up to the camp fire and sat down.

"i am here heal everyone of you from anything that may be troubling you right now" jesus said

"great, my backs playing up a bit" says the irishman.

jesus cast a hand over the irishman and within seconds his bad back has completley healed.

"wow thanks, my 13yr old back problem is gone !!" the irishman said.

"i've had a dodgy knee from when i used to play football" the manc says.

jesus again casts his hand and heals his knee.

"great! its like a new knee !" the manc said.

"and what would u desire" jesus said to the scouser.

the scouser looked at jesus with a horrified expression. he gets up and runs away as fast as he can

"whats wrong with him ?" jesus asked the manc

"he's on disability benefit" the manc replied

[Keano4taoiseach]

LMAO lads

[SALFORD RED]

In a recent survey of scouse males
85% admitted having sex in the showers.














The other 15% said they'd never been in prison.
.

[Keano4taoiseach]

Originally Posted by SALFORD RED

In a recent survey of scouse males
85% admitted having sex in the showers.














The other 15% said they'd never been in prison.
.

I don't know whether to LOL or shake my head

[joviadca]

You're locked in a room with a Lion ,a Tiger and a Liverpool fan.
You have a gun but only 2 bullets what do you do?


















Shoot the liverpool fan twice

[haggler]

no no no far too caring . shoot the lock off with one bullett shoot the scouser with the other then get out relock door and watch while the puddy tats finish him off