A new drug, “CR7″, has recently been released in England and Europe by the drug manufacturing company “AIG”. Distributed by “Manchester United F.C.” at local football stadiums, the drug has become revolutionary. It is an all purpose drug, to be taken to prevent bodily harm from common viruses such as the “Drogba Strain” of the Swine Flu. It also promotes general bodily strength, allowing one to perform miraculous feats from 40+ yards, multiple times. This drug also promotes mental health as it helps memory, and allows the body to enhance it’s muscle memory, allowing for techniques to be mastered, including but not limited to free kicks, headers, and long range shots.

CR7

CR7

Some side effects of the drug “CR7″ are arrogance and petulance. Since the enhanced performance of humans is significant, the drug attempts to help one’s mental health, though not all cases were successful. Other side effects include deflections and goals. Goals are to be expected, and in most cases are acceptable, however if the goals continue against your team, please call your doctor. Many goals in a short span of time might also occur, in which case you should again call your doctor. Depression for other teams and their fans(especially the scouse variety) is also a side effect. If your depression worsens, please call your local suicide hotline before you end up like half of Liverpool.

“CR7″ is not available over the counter and a prescription is needed. For a prescription, please call Sir Alex Ferguson.

Author: Grif SA