Manchester United Talk banner

1 - 2 of 2 Posts

224 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
There were once two farmers who sold their farms to investors. One to an American and the other to a Russian.

The American asked for money from his friends to buy the farm while the Russian ripped off his own government to finance his.

The Russian, keen to get rid of his laundered money, told the farmer he could buy all the cows he wants to stock up his farm.

The Yank, though he owes his friends money for buying the farm, still allows the farmer to buy a couple of new cattle every year, hoping that somehow a new breed will be born to help pay back his friends.

One day the farm near the bridge was infected by mad cow disease. Some of his prized cattle keep wanting to escape and finally did by running off to a nearby warehouse where they use to keep old cannons.

Furious that a healthy horse wanted to escape, he writes to the local newspaper and called him funny names and demanded that the cannonball warehouse owner pay him back.

"I want you to pay for my horse"

"Non! Monsieur, zis horsey escaped here because you gave his favourite stable number to a new donkey you lured from Germany. The one famous for banging stuff with his head and not much else."

"if you want to keep that old horse, we want the wild stallion in exchange."

"Vui tres bien, we don't have many wild stallions here, but if it is this left-footed mare here, you can have him. Watch his mouth though.
He is a bargain, he is more than a left-footed horsey, in fact, he has two left feet! Ahh... you know? his name used to be A.Cole, but not anymore. The folks around here now fondly call him A.Hole."
Still the mad cow disease continue to plague the waters under the bridge.

Soon, the contaminated water affected the fleet-footed kangeroo Joey, the long-armed Cechimpanzee. Even the farmer's pet Fox Terrier was crocked.

Now when the neighbourhood children came to visit the farm, all they were left to see was this strange looking animal who loves to trip and fall over himself all day. Whenever he was sprawling on the ground, the farmer would come pat his head and tells everyone he is untouchable, so the animal goes out to roll all over the floor even more dramatically to earn his treats.
Somehow the children could never remember his name. All they could remember was that his breath stinks. So they all called him Dog-breath.

Soon it is mid harvest time and they had to weigh their crops to see which farm is most likely to win the Farmer's cup. The winner's prize, given out in May, is special because it is displayed on the bar top made of clay. Some clever teenagers named it the Bar-clay cup out of mischief and soon it caught on.

Anyway, during the winter measurements, the farm by the bridge didn't produce as many coconuts as they previously had. It was a strange thing because the Russian gave him all the money in the world to buy coconut trees. Maybe someone forgot to tell him that it is impossible to grow a coconut plantation when he put money in a deep canyon that peters out.

In defense, the farmer explained that he could not harvest as many coconuts as he wanted because of the mad cow disease.
His Cechmpanzee was concussed and couldn't climb.
His Kangaroo Joey hurt his knee so he couldn't kick the trees to dislodge the coconuts.
His Fox Terrier had a bad back which prevent him from barking up the right trees.
Even the donkey from Germany couldn't use his head as reputed to knock down any.
All he had was the bad breathed animal falling and rolling all over the ground as he picks up coconuts that usually drops late at night.

The farmer went on to tell the town-folks, "That farmer up north should count himself unlucky that he didn't pick up at least 12-14 more coconuts than us for Christmas. They should have picked up 3 coconuts instead of just one during the time when the carTOON show was on."
"Maybe they have no right to be having more coconuts than me because when they should be working, they wasted their time Reading! When they should be enjoying Western Hamburgers for lunch, they choked!"

Good observations, only that he forgot to add that he too was found Reading with some Cottagers at a Villa over Christmas when he should be picking up more coconuts himself.

He taunted the red-nosed farmer from the north, "you only have 6 coconuts more than me. Zat is nutsing. When my Cechmpanzee and Fox Terrier returns, I sink they will pick up more coconuts. Don't forget, you still have to come pick up those floating ones under the bridge"

"My animals are sick because everything my new chef cooks gets burnt. I have paid crazy millions for him to impress me but his cooking is horrible."
"From now on, everybody can touch him but not me, I don't want to touch him anymore. He can go sit on that bench"

A closer look at his badge and it reads in Russian - *Chef Chenko*

Meanwhile, the red-nosed Farmer from up north made a quick phone call and loaned a viking helmet from Ikea, wondering if he can wear that new one on top of his own recently restored one.

"Nobody has ever worn two viking helmets at the same time. I wonder if I can poke twice as many coconuts with both?" Red-nose pondered.

And so he did, booked for two weekends at the holiday Villa, red-nose spent the first weekend at first trying on his new hat and then replacing it with his old one. Both fitted perfectly. The horns on both the viking helmets looked sharp.

"These Nordic helmets sure are old and fragile, yet look so good! Hmm... shall I wear them again next week at this same Villa resort? The coconuts here look ripe for picking, but at least I don't have to pluck them with something as foul smelling as dog breath!" He muttered under his own breath, which incidentally smells like something from a hair salon.
1 - 2 of 2 Posts