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1,572 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this
past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one
about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also,I now have to scrub the top of every can I open
for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the R15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program ....

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me
to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though
I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you,

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
Forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola
Because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along
to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will
drug me with a aftershave sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice,

I can't even pick up the $50.00 I found dropped in the
car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beauticians relative once removed .

By the way....a South American scientist after a
lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have
infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!


1,565 Posts
That's awesome. The person who wrote this deserves a reward. I hate receiving e-mails telling me if I send it to 25 people in the next 5 minutes my crush will call me or something...

1,572 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Yeah, I actually got a few of the emails the person mentioned!

ie. coca-cola, + petrol station,

0 Posts
:eek: LMBO, Those are so funny.....even more so because i've had most of them in my spam folders. :eek:

Wait till you get the latest ones doing the rounds from MegaDik, got to been seen to be believed.

At least i know where to post them now.....THIS THREAD. lol.


4,956 Posts
I have just over 3000 spam mails like this and can't be too bothered going hrough them all to see what they say........

They all tell me I will die anyway, lmao........

I might have a little search for any funny ones some time.........

I might not too :p

17 Posts
this was hilarious and I do believe I've recieved many of those. God I should have this on hand to reply to all those emails :D
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