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He wipes front to back
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Cheese Scones

An elderly Irishman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of
impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite cheese
scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and
lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and
with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame,
gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in
heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were
dozens of his favourite cheese scones! Was it heaven? Or was it one final
act of heroic love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it
that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, he
could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his mouth, seemingly
bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone at
the edge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula
by his wife . . . . . . . . . . .........


"F*ck off!! " she said, "They're for the funeral
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