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Thierry Henry to United? Are the Daily Star On Acid Or Just A National Joke?
We know it's been hot over the weekend and people tend to get a little bit giddy and a little bit lazy as the temperature rises. Yet this is no excuse for completely abandoning any pretence of journalistic rigour.
The Daily Star this morning reports - or more accurately regurgitates the story - that Thierry Henry could be on his way to Old Trafford.
The Star is hardly renowned for its sporting scoops - when did that tab last break any story of any significance that wasn't related to the gratuitous display of knockers?
Why anybody should even bother clicking through to a Star football story is a mystery, but, nonetheless, we all do it. We promptly feel dirty and disappointed as we contemplate yet another rehashed or apparently entirely dreamt-up stream of journalistic dross.
So this Henry business, then.
The Star's addled logic, backed up with rigorous research inbetween copious pints of Magner's at the local, rests on the assumption (presented as fact) that the Berbatov deal is dead in the water.
You can imagine (there's no harm in imagining, just ask the Star) the editorial meeting at Star HQ:
The editor chews his pen and twiddles his egg-stained tie, burrows in his nose briefly and then the diabolic afflatus arrives:
“That's it: Henry! The Berbatov deal is stalling. No one's heard of half those other strikers. Just whack Henry's name on the back of the paper and we'll get all the Gooner fans reading as well as the United fans. Perfick. Now, what's lunch ?â€
That possibly over-complicates the train of thought, but you get the idea.
Let's play devil's advocate for a moment and try to imagine just how this Henry business could have a tiny shred of credibility to it….
……
Nope, us neither.
Henry has serially re-iterated his feeling that Arsenal are “in his blood†- it's hard to imagine how a player so intrinsically linked with the identity of the Gunners could ever have the chutzpah to join one of their greatest - and most-destested rivals.
Not only would Henry receive a less than whole-hearted welcome from United fans, he would, in one fell swoop, demolish forever his hero status amongst Arsenal fans.
In fact the more we consider it, this Henry business just has to be sheer nonsense. It has to be.
In fact we're so confident it is, that should it ever happen, we'll walk down United Road wearing an ‘Eric Cantona is Sh*te, Please Kung Fu Kick Me In the Nadgers' t-shirt.
If it doesn't happen we'd like the football editor of the Star to do likewise.