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Discussion Starter #1
My Own Jokes Thread.


A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the Captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Indians

I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers.

"How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?"

"Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."
 

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indians encountered spanish ? when ?

are you refering to native americans by any chance ?

by the lord harry this is not a seventies working mans club you know !!!!!

p.c terms or risk offending running water when he next logs in .
 
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You do make me laugh Hags :D

Sometimes I wonder what goes on inside that sick and twisted
mind of yours, then I think it's better that I don't know :eek:
 

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Ignatius said:
It's not his best work :p
now that is far better than the original attempt at humour . if i may critique your work i would say stick to improvised retorts and can the corny gags :eek:
 

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Discussion Starter #13
-zuco- said:
If you can do better then make me a sig and PM it to me :p
I'll try :p

But his teaching me new stuff in photoshop and his other work are truly amazing

What player do you want on it?
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I knew it!

Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.

When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Les Give me the bottle opener."

"I didn't bring it," says Les. "I thought you packed it."

Mick gets worried, He turns to Alan, "Did you bring the bottle opener??"

Naturally Alan didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from Home without a bottle opener. Mick and Alan beg Les to go back for It, but he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.

After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise Lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Les sets off down the road at a steady pace.

Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Alan are starving, but a promise is a promise.

Another five days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a Sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Les pops up from behind a rock and shouts........

"I KNEW IT!......I'M NOT GOING!"
 
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