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Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.

Q: What do Liverpool Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

A father and son were eating breakfast. The fathers newspaper had the headline "Van Gogh sold for £8 million".
The son asked "is he worth it, Dad?", to which the father, surprised at his son's interest in fine art, replied "I suppose so, son. Why do you ask?"
The son said "Well, Liverpool paid more than that for Stan Collymore, and he was crap"

Q: What do you get if you cross a pig with a Liverpudlian?
A: Nothing. There some things that the pigs wont do… like screwing a Liverpudlian!!!

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scouser fan?
A: A battery has a positive side.

Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So they ain't mistaken fur a Liverpudlian women.

Rafael Benitez: "Our new Winger cost five million. I call him our wonder player"
Sir Alex Ferguson: "Why's that?"
Rafael Benitez: "Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!"

Q: What do you get if you cross a Liverpol fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon.

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Liverpool players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What do you call a Scouser with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What do you call a Liverpool fan in a 2 bed-roomed Semi?
A: A burglar.

Q: Why do Liverpool fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
A: So they know which end to wipe.

Q: What's the difference between a Liverpool supporter and an Onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a Liverpool fan.

A Liverpool supporter goes to his doctor to find out what's wrong with him.
"Your problem is you're fat, "says the doctor.
"I'd like a second opinion" responds the man.
"OK, you're ugly too" replies the doctor.

An Liverpool fan is trapped on a remote desert island with a pig and a dog. Soon, the pig starts looking really attractive to the Liverpool fan. However, whenever he approaches the pig, the dog growls in a threatening manner. The Liverpool fan takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the pig only to find the dog growling at him. The Liverpool fan ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the pig only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, Liverpool fan is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a sexy beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The Liverpool fan thinks for a moment and then responds, "Could you take the dog for a walk?
 

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Not bad. Some are derived from other jokes, but still good :)

By the way, there's a thread already devoted to jokes. Try posting there :)
 
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