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In a statement due to be published in a national newspaper this weekend,
maverick Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho has admitted for the first time that he
may be forced out of the game he loves within the next 12 months.

The startling confession is likely to send shivers down the spine's of the Chelsea
supporters who have seen the Portugese Adonis take their team from virtual pub
side to Premiership Champions within the space of three short seasons.

In a frank interview Mourinho told Sunday Times Sports correspondent John
Goodbody: "If I'm honest I am not enjoying my time in England. The trouble is I
believe, I am just too good looking for the British game. Wherever I go I am
mobbed by men and women alike and asked to perform sexual acts that quite
frankly I wouldn't consider performing on my wife

"Let us be truthful here, football fans in this country have had to put up with real
mingers in charge of their football teams....Sammy Lee for ****'s sake, he
wouldn't be allowed near a camera in Portugal, let alone be permitted to speak
on National TV. At Porto it was OK, I didn't stand out too much but here I'm a
Rose amongst many thorns and the pressure has become too great....Martin
Jol....Come on, Shrek or what?!"

This is not the first time Mourinho's looks have caused a problem. Whilst coach at
Barcelona the then Catalan Manager Louis van Gaal would insist on Jose wearing
a bag over his head at press conferences for fear that he would excite journalists
to such a point that serious dialogue would be impossible. Two female reporters
famously committed suicide after inadvertently seeing the 'Special One' in the
club shower. If they couldn't have him what was the point they concluded.

The news will no doubt have far reaching consequences. Already government
minister's are asking themselves why the British are so plain in comparison to
their European counterparts.

"First we had Ginola, then Zola and now Mourinho. Will we never produce good
looking people in this country." said Graham Allen, MP for Nottingham North...

What about Peter Crouch :eek: :D :D
 
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