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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Copyright 2002, RI1. Copied verbatim from the original article, posted here for your information.



- NWAF (No Women At Football) is the movement dedicated to preserving football for the enjoyment of its rightful supporters away from the nagging of irritating wives. ALL women (save for those cited below) are banned and are not to be tolerated at Old Trafford, United away games, and particularly in Europe for the foreseeable future.

Of particular irritation to (and the prime motivation for) NWAF's members is the sight of couples arm-to-arm on Warwick Road, smooching during play and cuddles following goals. Is this normal behaviour? NO! If you bring your bird to the match then you should share her round, fair game, may the best man win, this simply isn't on.

- However NWAF reluctantly accept that certain females are to be tolerated at matches, given that there is a minority who can legitimately claim to be football fans. These shall be addressed as LOTSEBs (Loyal Time Served Birds). However, strictly no LOTSEBs can be or fall into the CANS (Came After Ninety-Six) category.

- The only other group tolerated by NWAF are HAGs (Honourary Acceptable Gents). This group is free to attend football matches unharrassed but should clearly display their HAG hairband at all times and not try and pass themselves off or associate with LOTSEBs.

Speaking on the publication of NWAF's manifesto, Mr Spleen, Head of Specialist Intelligence at NWAF, said that a co-ordinated and concerted effort by all interested parties, together with a strenuous and continuous application of NWAF law were required. He said:

“We – along with other concerned groups – have lobbied the club hard and long for tougher legislation to deal with this nauseating ‘women at football' problem. Whilst it garnered some early successes, my current ‘retirement' has seen the problem seeping back into Old Trafford.â€

To avoid any degree of confusion over who NWAF law is directed at (indeed one of our own officers recently found himself unfairly the subject of accusations of breaking NWAF regulations! On a Euro away! Pah! If a lad can't have a Donald on a trip abroad there's something wrong, it's not even as though it was on the matchday), it is for this reason NWAF issues clarification:

Mr Spleen again:

“There's a nasty, ugly and antisocial element in society that clings parasitically to football and just won't give up. But, like other infections, new strains of WAF are developing that are clever, resilient and increasingly resistant. These are classed as Stupid Ladies Against Geezer-only Soccer (SLAGS).â€

- SLAGS should be countered at all costs. SLAGS will attempt to ‘leech' themselves to football by any means necessary and NWAF agents should remain vigilant at all times.

- One of the most effective tactics a SLAG might use is to attach herself to a Male Under Permanent Pressure to Take “SLAG†(MUPPeTS). SLAGS and MUPPeTS can be easily spotted walking down Warwick Road, holding hands, kissing in the ground and sharing a family size bag of M&M's.

It is these two groups that NWAF are particularly concerned with.

NWAF regulations state that a SLAG can only be taken to a match by MUPPeTS, with prior written consent. Consideration will be given with regards to the following circumstances:

- It's a pre-season friendly/testimonial – (Chances) – GOOD
- It's a Worthless Cup tie, she wants to take her mate, whilst I stay in the pub, hence keeping my voucher – FAIR
- A Premier League game against weak opposition (e.g. – city) – SLIM
- A Premier League game against strong opposition – MINIMAL
- An away game – NEGLIGIBLE
- A European away – NO BLOODY CHANCE LOVE

A final word from Mr Spleen:

“NWAF will not rest until the eradication of CANS, SLAGS, HAGS and MUPPeTS is complete. However, it is an aim we cannot reach without your help. Do your duty, keep Old Trafford an NWAF zone.â€

If you know of any perpetrators, let us know. Report sightings of any breach of NWAF regulations to [email protected]

*************************PRESS RELEASE ENDS**************************

Please note: 1. Some are more equal than others. 2. If she's fit, I'll deal with her. :D


Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I couldn't agree more Sal, keep those SLAGS away from OT, they're simply
not welcome and distract proper fans from the task at hand; supporting United.


· He wipes front to back
27,747 Posts
its a slippy slope first we let the wenches in then it was kiddies then god forbid the affluent middle classes --- it will soon be outlawed to call the ref a &%&^%$%^ ******** %^^% what do you mean it already is ? no point going if we cant shout loud abuse at the players and officials
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