Manchester United Talk banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts
S

·
Guest
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Substitute any teams names/ground in place of United/Old Trafford.
All tongue in the cheek but not far from the truth.
Please note this is NOT my personal view. ;)

Stereotypes of the Modern Day Football Fan

Tarquin the PC World Chief Executive
Naturally will be found on selective matchdays (Usually Cup Finals) enjoying the finest cuisine from his private box, whilst sampling the finest champagne on offer. Will usually be accompanied by the 3rd/4th wife as he won't have started attending until the age of 30, when football became "cool" again after Euro 96, business associates and cling-on "mates" will also be attending as he owns a private box to cater for them.

Gary the Poser
This fan takes his match day look very seriously, waking up at 5am to spend 3 hours fixing his hair perfectly with Brylcream, before covering himself in Cecil Gee clothing and Jean-Paul Gaultier. He's not a regular, but has got two tickets from a mate of a mate for this one-off chance so he can take the local orange-tanned slapper to the game in hope of getting his leg-over. Will sit in South Stand and spend the game frowning as the tart he's taken with him spends 30 minutes droolling over Ronaldo.

Cheryl the Gobshite
She's the female fan who knows all the words and dated verses to "Forever & Ever" and enjoys lager and a curry before the game. May not be as nice looking as Gary the Poser's perma-tanned orange tag-along, but will be looking ridiculously attractive after you've had 8-10 pints and you've just seen her call the Linesman a "filthy c***". Has a scar down her left cheek from being punched by a bouncer after bottling him outside the Hacienda in Manchester when she was 15. Attends regularly with her Dad.

Sun-Chi Woo the Asian Student
Will be seen attending with friends/family/girlfriend etc on odd occasions, will have purchased a ticket from the internet worth £1,235. Will spend the game gasping "Oh-a-Man-a-chester" whilst taking numerous photos/videos from his digital camera. He will always be seen in his United Shirt, complete with United scarf & rucksack. Will depart from Piccadilly with at least 8 bags full of official merchandise bought from the Megastore.

Tony the Muppet
Tony will be a season ticket holder, having attended since the age of 8 when his Dad took him to watch United vs WBA in 1974. However, despite his long standing attendance, he will never have gone to an away game, and is the berk who shrieks "Sit down!" when other fans are standing in front of him during the course of the game. Tony is the sort of tart who attends the game in full Kit, including shin-pads and socks. Will no doubt be first to join in with the "Easy" chants and refers to us as 'Man U'. Was no doubt bullied at school and by his wife. Watches Soccer AM religiously.

Paddy the Irish Red
Paddy will come over for every home game using a renewed ST where the original holder would now be aged 127 yrs old. Paddy will come along with numerous family members who resemble the Maguire's from C4's Shameless. Will be wearing United shirt and clutching his United/Celtic half-scarf and has been drinking since he woke up. Will be found in the Bishop Blaize buying Boylie's CD's, or vomiting/pissing against some unforutnate soul's front door on route to the ground.

Mike The Old Boy
Mike's seen it all having stood on the terraces with the Red Army in the 80's. Will be dressed in all black inside the ground and will only mix with other reds who he's been standing with for the past 25+ years. Never sits during a game and is located in the Stretford End where he and his mates will start the core of the chants. Will have many scars and war-wounds from previous encounters with rival fans on his travles over the years. Travels to every game home or away, is very non-PC and streetwise.

Liam the New Boy
Will be aged between 16-23 and will be a Season Ticket holder in Stretford End, East Tier 2 or North Stand tier 3. Will be wearing Stone Island jacket with Blue Jeans and is permanent fixture at home and often seen at Aways, particularly European Games. Will be hanging outside Macari's and stand huddled around some of the Mike The Old Boy types. Usually found to be drunk and obnoxious and quick to start/follow chants. Liam will be one of the fans labelled as "twats" by older fans who dissaprove of songs labelling Arsene Wenger a paedophile, or any songs about Hillsborough.
:D
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top