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Hundreds of points knocked off football league tables.

The sharp fall in global markets spread to the Premier league this morning as hundreds of points were knocked off the totals for teams in soccer's top flight.

Manchester United fell seven points while five points were knocked off Arsenal's current league total, putting the London club on top of the Premier League.

Chelsea dropped to fourth after a 12 point fall in the value of their league record so far and a corresponding collapse in the value of their goal difference.

‘Me and the lads is gutted to be honest' said Wayne Rooney from the Manchester United training ground. ‘We thought the points was in the bag, but then you can't take nothing for granted in this game. That's football innit?'

Worst hit were West Ham United who saw a massive 112 point drop in the value of their points leaving them on minus 105, and facing an almost impossible task ahead of them if they are to avoid relegation in May.

Across the major European leagues the fall in league totals was even more severe, with the value of away wins halved in La Liga and Seria A. But there were some signs of recovery after lunch.

In England's Blue Square North League, clubs rallied after a shaky start and Blyth Spartans even increased the value of their league total to beyond what is mathematically possible at this stage of the season.

‘This is what happens when football gets too commercial' said Alan Hansen on BBC's Citywatch Extra. ‘Look at the replay of the Chelsea accountants transferring stocks to high risk bonds. There's no cover there at all. It's schoolboy stuff, if you want cash up front you needs solid investments in your reserves.'

Final Score from Wall St; Nasdaq 2; Hang Seng 0 (Dow Jones sent off 61 mins).

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*** BREAKING NEWS****

Government to bail out Tottenham Hotspur with emergency injection of 50 points.


After continuing falls in the league position of Tottenham Hotspur, the government has announced that it is stepping in to prop up the ailing North London club with an emergency injection of fifty league points.

The club’s stock has fallen sharply since August with a negative goal difference increasing week on week. A number of competitors such as Hull City took points away from them, causing commentators to speculate that the club was wildly over-valued before the current crisis.

BBC’s John Mitson described the move as ‘perhaps the most extraordinary day in British football’ and an ‘absolute humiliation for Spurs, as if any more were possible.’

The injection of fifty points takes Tottenham Hotspur from near the bottom of the Premier League to the very top, where they are now 32 points clear of Chelsea on 52 points with only 19 games played.

They are now well poised to become this year’s premiership winners gaining automatic qualification for the Champions League.

Other clubs have complained against what they claim is unfair treatment for one particular club and say the junior minister of sport who announced the injection of points is a well known Spurs supporter who has acted without any authority of consultation with government colleagues.

The Junior Minister would not discuss this accusation at a press conference saying only ‘Shut it you thick Gooner! We would have nationalized the North Bank if they hadn’t already flogged it off!’

Arsole Winger, manager of the other team ( i forget their name ) would only say " i vas too busy with ze youngsters (as always ), i did not see it and hav not seen ze replay, but i am still on top from an upside down postion unless the youth team swap places, then they are are on top".

" I like to give the younger squad members the chance to see how it feels to dominate".

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MUT all-time great
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Glazer wherever you may be
You bought Old Trafford but you can't buy me
Cause I signed "not for sale" and I meant just that
You can't buy me you greedy ****

I'll never put a dime in Glazer's wallet. I buy knock-off kits, and shirts from tshirtsunited.
 
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