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*Disclaimer* A very, very slow day at the office has allowed me the time to imagine what Wayne Rooney's diary might be like. Much like what football365 did with the Nevellier. It's meant to be taken with a whole heap of salt and hope you can appreciate it. Cheers!
Dear diary,
I missed a sitter against Blackburn today. I was clean through on goal when I saw a girl in the stands. She looked like Colleen…..hmmm yummy. Now that I’m thinking of her, I don’t think she came home last night. Ever since she bought me a guitar and had it signed by that Oasis lad, she’s been at his house every day. She says he’s teaching her guitar and new fingering techniques. I’d call her, but she always gets so angry when I call her nowadays.
Anyway, after the match, the geezer was really nice to me and said he’s not worried about my finishing and that forwards always go through good and bad spells. He’s always nice to me, old Ferg, but that meanie Ronaldo said to me that my bad spell is lasting longer than the last ice age. He said it in Portuguese and Nani and Anderson had a good laugh at me. I wouldn’t have known, if it weren’t for Carlos Q. I told him off, cos I didn’t ask him init, but he said he wanted me to hear it anyway. He hates me too.
When I got home, I decided to unwind by surfing the net. I went to my favourite Man Utd forum and they were slagging me off too. These people know nothing about football. How do I know? They were being mean about Darren Fletcher too! Can’t they see how brilliant Fletch is? He wouldn’t be the captain of Scotland if he were rubbish. Gaarrrghh,….
Ole called me and asked me to join him at Carrington for some shooting practice, but I think I’m going to follow Carlos T to his favourite hairdresser instead. Wes, Rio and Mike just used their signing-on money from their new contracts to buy the business and are going to open several hair salons all over the country where people can get their hair done just like Carlos, cos everybody has been saying how good it looks. I’m sure the business will be a hit. Rio told me, if I score against Barca he’ll let me be a minority share holder. He’s such a nice guy Rio. He even told me he would give Colleen guitar lessons, if I didn’t like that Oasis bloke doing it. I didn’t even know, he plays the guitar, but that just shows what a great guy he is.
OK, gotta go now, the guys from the dealership just delivered the new Aston Martin, left the keys at the door and ran away. They’re always so shy! I should leave them signed autographs at the door next time to break the ice.
I’ll write more tomorrow about how it went at the hair salon........
Dear diary,
I missed a sitter against Blackburn today. I was clean through on goal when I saw a girl in the stands. She looked like Colleen…..hmmm yummy. Now that I’m thinking of her, I don’t think she came home last night. Ever since she bought me a guitar and had it signed by that Oasis lad, she’s been at his house every day. She says he’s teaching her guitar and new fingering techniques. I’d call her, but she always gets so angry when I call her nowadays.
Anyway, after the match, the geezer was really nice to me and said he’s not worried about my finishing and that forwards always go through good and bad spells. He’s always nice to me, old Ferg, but that meanie Ronaldo said to me that my bad spell is lasting longer than the last ice age. He said it in Portuguese and Nani and Anderson had a good laugh at me. I wouldn’t have known, if it weren’t for Carlos Q. I told him off, cos I didn’t ask him init, but he said he wanted me to hear it anyway. He hates me too.
When I got home, I decided to unwind by surfing the net. I went to my favourite Man Utd forum and they were slagging me off too. These people know nothing about football. How do I know? They were being mean about Darren Fletcher too! Can’t they see how brilliant Fletch is? He wouldn’t be the captain of Scotland if he were rubbish. Gaarrrghh,….
Ole called me and asked me to join him at Carrington for some shooting practice, but I think I’m going to follow Carlos T to his favourite hairdresser instead. Wes, Rio and Mike just used their signing-on money from their new contracts to buy the business and are going to open several hair salons all over the country where people can get their hair done just like Carlos, cos everybody has been saying how good it looks. I’m sure the business will be a hit. Rio told me, if I score against Barca he’ll let me be a minority share holder. He’s such a nice guy Rio. He even told me he would give Colleen guitar lessons, if I didn’t like that Oasis bloke doing it. I didn’t even know, he plays the guitar, but that just shows what a great guy he is.
OK, gotta go now, the guys from the dealership just delivered the new Aston Martin, left the keys at the door and ran away. They’re always so shy! I should leave them signed autographs at the door next time to break the ice.
I’ll write more tomorrow about how it went at the hair salon........