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This guy on my favourite Man Utd forum was saying we should sign Ronaldinho, because the triple threat of Carlos Tevez, Ronaldinho and I would be so ugly that it would scare defenders. – Hardy har har .... I bet that bloke thinks he's funny. He even suggested that kids would have to be sat further away from the pitch to avoid traumatizing. Smart ass!
Still laughing on this one mate
 

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Discussion Starter · #44 ·
Dear diary,

Happy New Year to you, my trusted friend; it's been a while and I'm going to stop making promises on how often I confide in you.

Just some quick updates:

The season's gotten off to a rotten start and we dropped silly points against silly teams.

I Still can't believe that brain-amputated ref, blew for a handball against Ronaldo when we played against Spurs. I bet Harry Redknapp slipped the ref a fat brown envelope. Bloody Harry! Look at him – he's so shady-looking he couldn't do anything outside football besides tele-marketing or selling drugs. And even then, it would probably be dodgy drugs. The type that turn your liver to dog turd and make ugly sods like Darren Fletcher look human.

I mean hoestly, Harry always has this permanent guilty look about him. Like a catholic priest coming out of the toilets at a child care center.

Speaking of Fletcher; It's been really hard on Anderson and Nani to see Park and Fletcher start ahead of them.

Fergie keeps taunting them by saying it's because Koreans buy more shirts than Brazilians and Portuguese and that Fletcher is a better dancer than either of them.

The last statement really ****ed them off and Anderson retaliated by saying that Park probably performs sexual favours and that Fletcher is probably Fergie's love child.

Fergie and the entire coaching staff became red in the face and very angry after Anderson said that. A few days later both Nani and Anderson received a letter from Maurice Watking stating that they were legally forbidden to repeat those accusations in public ever again.

Pffft… what the hell is that about? It's such an exaggerated response from the club. It's not like it's true or anything.

One of the highlights of the season so far has been winning the FIFA Club World Cup. The lads genuinely enjoyed winning that tournament and you could see the joy in our celebrations after the final .

Although I suspect some of the guys were just happy they didn't have to listen to Carlos Tevez singing in the hotel's Karaoke bar anymore. Christ he sounded bad! It sounded like a banshee…..or a donkey giving birth.

While we were in Japan, Edwin's wife flew out to surprise him and he was a whole lot of trouble when he walked into his hotel room with a pretty Japanese chick on his arm and found his wife waiting for him in her undies.

The whole team pulled together and convinced his wife, the Japanese girl was our tour guide and just wanted to make sure he got home safely – now that's what I call United.

True to his gentlemanly form, Rio offered to console Edwin's wife in his room and Colleen went along to help too. Edwin was so glad for Rio's help and I couldn't have been more proud of Colleen.

Back in England, we've been having a right laugh on Berba's expense ever since the Stoke game. He's been trying to convince us that he actually passed the ball to Carlos, but we all know that it was a shot and that it was worse than Anderson's worst ever attempt.

We've been ribbing him, as well as Park all week. Park's effort against Boro was utterly amazing. The lads have been trying to replicate it in training and none of us have been able to blaze it over the bar from two yards out. It was an amazing bit of skill and has totally disrupted training.

Mike Phelan has been having a nightmare of a time conducting training, but old Ferg has gotten into the spirit. He participated in the “Park-blaze†practice and even gave Dimitar a united kit with his name printed as “Berbat-offâ€. :)

It really got the dressing room buzzing and has lifted our spirits.


….. OKie dokie. I'm off to the shops now. I don't get it, but the guys ased me to buy a banjo and a poster of cow's butt for Ji-Sung Park. ….. ach the United lads are such a caring bunch.

Later.

p.s. Fat Frank just called me and asked if I could tell Fergie he wants to play at United…..apparently they've really started charging for food at Chel$ki's canteen and Roman is thinking of selling the club to a Nigerian guy that sent him an email.

Things just keep getting better…. :D
 

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RedForceRising said:
*Disclaimer* A very, very slow day at the office has allowed me the time to imagine what Wayne Rooney's diary might be like. Much like what football365 did with the Nevellier. It's meant to be taken with a whole heap of salt and hope you can appreciate it. Cheers!


Dear diary,

I missed a sitter against Blackburn today. I was clean through on goal when I saw a girl in the stands. She looked like Colleen…..hmmm yummy. Now that I’m thinking of her, I don’t think she came home last night. Ever since she bought me a guitar and had it signed by that Oasis lad, she’s been at his house every day. She says he’s teaching her guitar and new fingering techniques. I’d call her, but she always gets so angry when I call her nowadays.

Anyway, after the match, the geezer was really nice to me and said he’s not worried about my finishing and that forwards always go through good and bad spells. He’s always nice to me, old Ferg, but that meanie Ronaldo said to me that my bad spell is lasting longer than the last ice age. He said it in Portuguese and Nani and Anderson had a good laugh at me. I wouldn’t have known, if it weren’t for Carlos Q. I told him off, cos I didn’t ask him init, but he said he wanted me to hear it anyway. He hates me too.

When I got home, I decided to unwind by surfing the net. I went to my favourite Man Utd forum and they were slagging me off too. These people know nothing about football. How do I know? They were being mean about Darren Fletcher too! Can’t they see how brilliant Fletch is? He wouldn’t be the captain of Scotland if he were rubbish. Gaarrrghh,….

Ole called me and asked me to join him at Carrington for some shooting practice, but I think I’m going to follow Carlos T to his favourite hairdresser instead. Wes, Rio and Mike just used their signing-on money from their new contracts to buy the business and are going to open several hair salons all over the country where people can get their hair done just like Carlos, cos everybody has been saying how good it looks. I’m sure the business will be a hit. Rio told me, if I score against Barca he’ll let me be a minority share holder. He’s such a nice guy Rio. He even told me he would give Colleen guitar lessons, if I didn’t like that Oasis bloke doing it. I didn’t even know, he plays the guitar, but that just shows what a great guy he is.

OK, gotta go now, the guys from the dealership just delivered the new Aston Martin, left the keys at the door and ran away. They’re always so shy! I should leave them signed autographs at the door next time to break the ice.

I’ll write more tomorrow about how it went at the hair salon........



What a rip off of my Dong diary I have copyright on this type of material !!!!


Lol!!!

Its very good though but lets face facts you have just copyed my idea sad really :p



Sorry Ive had to edit my post you posted the first waynes diary a long long time ago . A very good read you and me should get together and try and write are own sitcom it can be called The Forum .

And it can have strange characters

The power crazy young mod
The grumpy old mod
The crazy as hell poster called haggles
and the clinicaly insane young member from norwich called abou who pretends he is a from ukraine but has been doing it for so long he now believes he is from ukraine in his real life away from the forum .
 

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Discussion Starter · #46 ·
red dave said:
What a rip off of my Dong diary I have copyright on this type of material !!!!


Lol!!!

Its very good though but lets face facts you have just copyed my idea sad really :p



Sorry Ive had to edit my post you posted the first waynes diary a long long time ago . A very good read you and me should get together and try and write are own sitcom it can be called The Forum .

And it can have strange characters

The power crazy young mod
The grumpy old mod
The crazy as hell poster called haggles
and the clinicaly insane young member from norwich called abou who pretends he is a from ukraine but has been doing it for so long he now believes he is from ukraine in his real life away from the forum .
Ha!

Thanks for liking it.

When I read you Dong Diary, I thought you had borrowed the idea from the semi-famous "Wayne's World" ;)

BTW, I like the idea of a forum diary and I even started it. Then guess what?
The forum got hacked two hours later.

So that sort killed that idea :rolleyes:
 

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RedForceRising said:
Ha!

Thanks for liking it.

When I read you Dong Diary, I thought you had borrowed the idea from the semi-famous "Wayne's World" ;)

BTW, I like the idea of a forum diary and I even started it. Then guess what?
The forum got hacked two hours later.

So that sort killed that idea :rolleyes:

Id never seen this yeah its a good read funny aswell I big enough man to step aside and let you continue your work .

I will find a new way to flex my comedic muscle ;)
 
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